A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused_alice
writes:I met someone a couple of weeks ago on an internet date. As soon as I met him (and this wasn't all to do finding him physically attractive), I knew I liked him. I've been waiting a long time to feel chemistry with someone and I'd finally found it!However, as much as I liked him, I felt I needed to come across super confident as he is very confident. But being super confident is not me. I don't like dating as I've had lots of bad experiences of guys playing games with me, so I was trying to play the Ms Confident card to make sure he understood that I wasn't to be messed around and that I could meet other guys. Needless to say it's all backfired as I ended up spouting a load of rubbish about exes and about guys fancying me, meantime not actually being physical with him as I was scared that I wouldn't get it right.The guy got sick of me telling stories and told me he's not interested in a relationship with me. He told me this over the phone and said we shouldn't meet up as there was nothing to discuss. I was happy with that. Next thing, he suggests we meet up and discuss what has happened (to help me get over him). I meet him, we discuss everything and it ends in me crying. So I think, that's it, we are over and time to move on.I then receive text messages from him, I don't get it and then ask why - he says he cares for me, but we are not right together. I tell him not to contact me as I have enough people who care. And then......yes, I receive another text. I reply in friendly terms and we have a nice friendly text chat. I've left it a couple of days and sent a friendly text, but this time, also mentioning meeting up which he ignores and instead responds to the other text with some sarcastic comment about me and other men. I correct him and say I stayed here alone at the weekend. I'm really confused - what does this guy want from me? Is this someone who wants me back or someone who is making me suffer for my mistake?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): I think it might be an idea to stop dating a while and work on your self-esteem. There's a lot of stuff on the internet that might help you. Try to build your confidence as you have given out some very confusing signals. Once you are confident you will be able to let people see the real you and know that they like you for that - and if they don't, then they are not right for you and someone else is.
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Thanks for update. You say things got nasty in the texts and the aunts here advised against this guy. But then you meet him for dinner!
Just be careful with him as it is odd that his texts don't match his in person.
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A
female
reader, confused_alice +, writes (21 June 2011):
confused_alice is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies.
Update for you....we met tonight for dinner which went well. He says he wants to get to know me as me and I believe him.
I'm worried though - all this bull shit I did was because I was trying to be someone I wasn't and I'm concerned that he wants someone that I'm not. In person he's lovely and then texts come and I don't like them. I think I'm reading way too much into the texts, but they upset me. I can't deal with him making jokey requests about us having sex, I might text about sex, but I don't text someone making them feel bad about not having sex with him. The sex thing is totally my issue. I like this guy, but I'm holding back, so the texts are obviously making me feel guilty.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): I'm a guy, and, from a guy's perspective, I'm telling you this: Stay away from that weirdo.
He likes games, he got the impression that you like games too, and now he doesn't want to stop. He doesn't want a relationship, the only thing he wants is the thrill of playing games with you.
You can do so much better, I'm sure! :)))
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (20 June 2011):
Creepy. you don't need this in your life. all games and strange behaviour. Cease all contact.
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A
female
reader, confused_alice +, writes (20 June 2011):
confused_alice is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies. I'm thinking the same as you now, that I should have stopped replying.
Things got a bit nasty this morning - text asking me if I'm out dating again since I see dating as a numbers game. I've replied saying stop being cruel and either be nice or leave me alone & mean it this time.
I know I was wrong to do what I did, but I can only apologise a certain number of times and I get that he is angry, but he can't keep going on about it. Someone has suggested that he may have problems letting go and I'm beginning to wonder if that is the truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): You have given him the impression you are a player, I think he liked you when you met but doesn't want to be a notch on the bedpost. Its role reversal here! You didn't offer yourself to him on a plate however so its bruised his ego
He's showing signs of being odd now though, so I would stop contact don't reply to texts or send them. He may ask to meet again eventually - it's up to you whether you go. I don't think you can make your mind up for definate till a 2nd date as nerves often spoil the first, however he isnt interested in that by the sounds of it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): I'm not sure what he's about but I say stay away from him and stop responding to his texts. If he's decided you're not girlfriend material then he's making a mess of things by keeping in touch.
Stop trying to figure out what's going on in his mind.
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