A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all..Before I start, please don’t include judgement saying I shouldn’t be living with him yet, it’s too soon to have introduced him to my daughter, etc.So, my boyfriend and I have been dating 6 months. We moved in together rather quickly because my daughter had a bad seizure and almost passed, and he was here with me that day. I lent him money for tools to start up at work. 1k. We made a budget let month that would allow us to follow.. I do make more than him so he pays for food and electric, I pay the rest. I do have a daughter on my own who is two. He wants her to see him and consider him a father to her (she has an absent father).. yet he doesn’t help me pay for anything for her.. daycare, diapers, wipes, clothes, etc.. I do that on my own along with my own car bill, car insurance and gym membership.. He’s paying 100 towards tickets he owes a week, and 25 for his health bills..So, he hasn’t been sticking to the budget strictly. We had gotten a new bed which was 171 every two weeks for three months. So far I have paid every single payment as well.I’m really fed up at this point.. I have a goal to fix my credit and buy a house in the next 5 years.. I’m trying to help him but if he can’t even stick to the budget.. for at least three months til his tickets and health bill are paid off, how can I see a future with him? I have a daughter to think about. The margin for error is slim, ya know?I’ve talked to him about it and we argue every single time he gets paid and ends up not following the budget strictly. The one today, he spent $65 not budgeted for, plus borrowed $26 from me that he isn’t able to pay back now.. HELP?! What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2018): Time to cut off the financial help to him. He is not paying his share or even paying back what you lent him, so give him a date that he has to move out, and stick to it. He cannot stay with you and not pay his agreed upon share so that is his only option now. Make this very clear to him, as he is a mooch and will try to talk you into extending his stay with you I am sure.
The bed you purchased is yours. He has not paid toward it, and that is probably for the best now because you won't have to fight over who takes it when he moves out. You keep it, you paid for it. Continue to do so.
You could go to small claims court to try and get back the money you lent to him, but it is a long shot. It is probably gone for good. Just make sure not to lend him any other monies going forward, and see if you can get him a legal eviction notice so you will no longer have to carry him financially after that. You have a kid and yourself, you don't need another dependent.
So sorry this happened. It may be that you will break up after he moves out, or you may decide to continue having a relationship. Whatever you decide, do not co-mingle any finances with him anymore. Keep separate living places and bills. Do not put your name on anything he has or let him put his name on anything of yours.
It will be hard to kick him out, but it will be worth it to make progress toward your goals of better credit and owning your own home. He will only prevent you from reaching them.
Best of luck,
R
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 July 2018):
 Yes, you moved in WAY to quickly.
And YES, I do think it was WAY too soon to involve him in your daughter's life. Sure that is not what you want to hear.. but let's face it... IT IS the truth. Like it or not.
You need to stick to the budget yourself as well, which means... DO NOT "lend" him money because you KNOW he can't pay you back. EVERY TIME you "lend" him money you are taking things from your own daughter. This about that!
You lend him $1,000 for tools, THAT he needs to start paying you back. THAT should be priority for him after he pay bills. And it should be PRIORITY for you as well. There should be a payment plan worked out already. And no... it shouldn't come AFTER his other bills. Now the payment to YOU might be lower until he has paid older debts .. but he should start paying you now.
As for the bedroom set - if YOU are paying for it, it is YOURS. I guess $1,000 isn't too bad for a bed. Though we recently got my oldest daughter a brand new box spring for $250. Because the box and the mattress don't match in colors... but who cares? there are sheets and pillow and bedsteads on top. My middle daughter wanted to do a DYI pallet bed - which cost us $75 including paint, $25 for all the fairy lights and the mattress was $125 (just a new spring). So if you DO NOT have $1,000 for a bed.. WHY are you spending that much money?
Also, why is he living you at all? Because he can't afford to live on his own? So how is that YOUR problem? He is your BF NOT your child or husband, YOU DO NOT OWE him a roof over his head. Especially if he BARELY pitches in.
You priorities are NOT his priorities. So you have to decide, is this a guy I want to live with or not.
Now of course, there are ALWAYS some hiccups when people first move in together. Growing pains, so to speak. BUT you need to be 100% CLEAR on what bills HE has to pay (and if those bills are in your name and doesn't pay them, GUESS WHAT? you will be the one OWING the money to the utility or whatever company!)
He is acting like a kid. YOU are acting like the "mom" telling him what to do with him money when, let's face it, HE KNOWS what he SHOULD be doing with the money... but he CHOOSES not to.
YOU kid and YOUR financial situation is and should be YOUR priority, NOT taking care of this man-child on top of everything else.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (27 July 2018):
 Anonymous is right. What do you want us to tell you? Make up a reason why it’s not working so you don’t get your feelings hurt? You have moved him in too soon.
You moved in before you knew anything about the guy. You were still practically strangers and moved this man into your home without knowing him. Whilst dating the whole point is to feel someone out. Learn things about them, how they live, their behaviours and habits, their attitudes to certain things such as money. You didn’t go through this stage because you skipped it and just moved in together.
It’s now come back to bite you in the ass and you’re refusing to accept that that’s the reason. You’ve NOW learnt what he’s like, albeit the hard way and you need to decide whether you can put up with this in future. Will he change? I have to admit when I was younger I was terrible with money. I bought lots of things I didn’t need and squandered my wage on stupid things. I’m now 26 and not so long back paid off my credit card and learnt the importance of budgeting so it is possible to change your ways. But how much of this can you deal with before the stress becomes too much?
Accept that you messed up moving him in so early, think of where you want to go from here and you need to discuss this with him and be very clear in stating that if he doesn’t get his priorities in check then he will be hitting the road. You need to look after yourself and your daughter as number One, you don’t need another child to look after as a partner.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 July 2018):
 When you ask for advice on a public forum, don't start off by dictating what not to tell you. Why don't you want to be told that you moved in too quickly? Because it's the truth and you already know it and just want it to slide by?
Well you know what OP, it all comes down to the very fact that you don't want addressed. That you moved in way too fast and now the man is taking you for a ride.
What do you know about him and what do you even know about yourself, for that matter? You've known him for 6 months, you have a child with another man who's not even on the scene anymore and you're trusting a man who you barely know, with your infant daughter! Not only are you making terrible judgements and decisions all along, you're now also putting your daughter in danger! How on earth can you allow him to move on just because he helped you once? Is that all it takes for you to start living with someone?
OP it's time your really start making some smart decisions for a change and stop blaming others. He's not the one at fault here...I mean you barely know him! You're throwing money at him and he's taking advantage of the fact that there's free money which obviously he's going to exploit! The man claims not to have $26 with him to pay you back? Are you kidding me?
OP, get out of the mess that you've created. Don't expect anything better from this guy. He's not going to change and he's just taking you for a jolly good ride. Throw him out and for heaven's sake don't allow any man to live in the same house as your young daughter. You don't know how catastrophic that could be.
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