A
male
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anonymous
writes:I met a girl online almost a year ago and I fell in love with her over a short period and thought she felt the same.Things eventually got serious with us and she started to develop stronger feelings for me.As our relationship is fairly long distance, the inevitable happened and I found out that she was having sex with a guy who lives 3 doors away.She slept with him around 40 times.She now tells me everything, because I have asked her to and I found out things like she has masturbated on webcam for about 50 guys, before she met me and sent naked pictures of herself via mobile phone.She says she is ashamed of her past and I need to try to leave the past in the past.I just am unsure if I can do this.We are now in a very loving relationship and I know she does not think about anybody else anymore and I am the only one for her.She has given me all her MSN addresses and passwords, but I find myself signing in as her to see what guys say to her.Last night there was one guy who stripped on cam for me, made me physically sick.I want to forgive her for her past, but I fear I will never forget.What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThings are much better now and we are much more open with eachother.
The past sometimes still makes me think, but I am now just keeping the feelings to myself.
Its hard, but I will cope. I love this girl too much to let the past cause us to have no future.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (1 August 2006):
 Since you are determined to get this relationship to work then you'll just have to forget about her past, let it go. If you can't stop harping on it then you really need to move on, for her sake as well as your own. I really don't know what else to advise, no magic wands. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter I found out about her cheating, I finished with her.
She said then that she realised how much I meant to her and pleaded with me to give her another chance, which eventualy I did.
I accused her of flirting with people on MSN still and then she gave me the passwords to all her accounts.
Most of these guys had been blocked and deleted, although I unblocked them but changed her MSN passwords so she could not use them.
She had not used them for a while anyway, as everytime somebody would say hi, they would always say things like they had not seen her for ages.
She did used to be used quite easily because people made her feel wanted, but she is no longer that person and has much more self respect now.
I understand all your points, but I do feel like this can work. I am starting to trust her more every day, but the past is just tearing me apart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): Reading between the lines: You don't seem suited for each other at all.
She cheated on you (or at least, you had more commited feelings to her than she did to you)
She has a sexually promiscuous past that you can not accept.
Your insecurities allowed you to accept her passwords - you clearly do not trust her.
Her attention-seeking days are NOT in the past; otherwise these guys on her contact list would be Blocked and Deleted.
Perhaps I am wrong, and she is actually a sexually "liberated" women (but in which case she would not be ashamed of her past) but I would say her past indicates she requires the sexual attention of men in order to feel appreciated/needed/loved/wanted.
You, on the other hand, require a women who is more sexually reserved, so that you can feel the same; appreciated/needed/loved/wanted.
I would suggest you take these apparent differences in to consideration and ask yourself if your relationship can really ever re-establish itself as one based on trust, honesty and mutual respect. You say your relationship is still long distance, to me I think perhaps you should cut your losses and focus, instead, on a) developing your self-worth and b) finding a girl who shares a more similar past with your own.
Maybe this is not what you want to hear, but good luck with whatever ever happens in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, forgive her for the past.
She cheated on me.
I cannot get that out of my head.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): Forgive her for her past? It's not in your place to forgive her for her past. It has nothing to do with you. The fact that you have a problem with her past will undoubtly drive you negatively. You either accept her for who she is now, or move on and find someone with a much less promiscuous past.
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