A
female
age
36-40,
*orgiveness3
writes:Am i wrong for falling in love with a guy my aunt use to date while back? we been seeing each other for about 9months but what should i do because i really dont want to go through with it now that our secret is coming out and dont want my family to look down on me but at the same time i think i love him to let go that easy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 I was interviewed on a radio show on this exact topic.
You can listen to it for free here:
http://www.franktalks.com/datingdilemmas/
Scroll down for the show that aired on September 14th, 2011. The topic is Dating the Ex of a Friend of Family Member. How to do it, when it do it and what to consider.
Hope this helps.
-Frank
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): This could end up a very messy situation. Be honest with your family and be prepared for them to not be receptive or to be exactly happy about it. A similar situation happened in my family, and although the partner is tolerated because of the family member they are with, there are merely tolerated, and the family member has lost some of the families respect and trust, but the for the family member is never lost. So don't expect the whole happy family situation you have been used to. Some may see it as incestuaous, which is a disgusting thought. Just remember that if your Aunt is angry and upset about it, let her be and don't be mean to her. Your family may and hopefully will come around, but be prepared if it doesn't happen. The thing you need to decide is whether your love for him is stronger than your desire to have the family dynamics remain. This is just what I have observed from the situation in my family. I would like to add that the reason that my family continued to dislike the partner is that the partner tried to push for acceptance and acted as though the ex who is a family member was at fault for feeling hurt and betrayed, and caused grief at family functions and caused arguements because they were not getting the reaction and acceptance as instantly as they wanted, needless to say this merely alienated the family, and a lot of times they are not invited to any family functions because no-one wants to put up with the person who tore their family apart, and who causes arguements. I wish you luck, and I hope that it works out for you and you don't have to go through the pain my family has gone through.
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A
female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (30 October 2011):
 Ask yourself how long you plan on dating this guy and how serious you expect things to get. Because, frankly, the kind of hurt that you could be opening yourself to could very well last longer than this relationship.
Rifts that have lasted for decades have been started on stuff less touchy than the situation that you describe.
Is this guy worth the trouble? You really have to think about that, and only you can answer that question for yourself.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 October 2011):
Yeah, your aunt will probably be pissed and some family members will probably judge you. Oh well, it's to be expected when you date someone that likes to keep it in the family.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (30 October 2011):
 I think this is dangerous territory that you probably should not have ventured into, not to mention the kind of incesty feeling from it, but you need to nip suspecions in the bud and talk directly to this aunt so she doesn't catch wind from someone else, making yourself looking cowardly on top of everything else. you should probably say you didn't mean for this to happen, but she is likely going to feel disrespected from your choices. I wouldn't bring him around any family reunions for at least another year, she may need some time to warm up to this idea. it is absolutely best to tell her earlier rather than later. I think once your aunt is ok with your decision, the rest of the family will likely to follow suit, so start there.
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