A
female
age
36-40,
*oanna15
writes:I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 31. We’ve been together for 2 and a half years. At the start of our relationship, our sex life was brilliant, it was fun, spontaneous, sexy and naughty, I would often dress up in naughty outfits/underwear, and we would use sex toys, in fact we had a box of naughty sex toys and treats.But over the last year and a half, our sex life has slowly become less and less, and now we have sex maybe once every 3-4 weeks?My boyfriend just isn’t interested anymore, he’s always ‘too tired’, watching football, working, or ‘not now because..’. And when we do ever have sex, it’s mostly me who initiates it, which is boring, and it’s with the lights off, in bed, under the cover and same thing every time. It is so boring and routine. I know that he masturbates, because I often find cum in his boxers, and he used to watch porn a lot on my laptop, so he clearly hasn’t lost his libido completely, it is obviously a problem with me or us?!I’m so worried, because it’s not got anything to do with my libido, as I’m still as horny as I’ve always been, and am at the moment very very sexually frustrated. I find myself dreaming about having sex, and recently have been orgasming in my sleep!!!! And I’m starting to look at other guys in my life (socially and at work), which is something I have never ever done, because I’ve always been sexually satisfied.I have tried talking to him about it, and telling him how desperately I want our sex-life back, and how I’m starting to look at other men because I’m so sexually frustrated, but that hasn’t made any difference???? I often walk around in my underwear or naked to try and get his attention, but he barely looks at me? The thing is, I’m starting to feel crap about myself, and have lost my confidence that I had. I used to be so kinky and fun and proud of my body, but now I don’t. It has really knocked me down. So much so, that I’m scared to even try and be sexy anymore?I have tried everything to bring our ‘spark’ back, because it’s not just sex that I want, but just the intimacy we used to share, the kissing, the holding hands, the touching of each others bodies, pressing our bodies against each other and feeling butterflies, him grabbing me from behind and I can feel he’s hard, making love, having sex, oral sex, talking dirty, sending dirty/flirty texts, dressing up, playing with sex toys, using lube and body paint, even just lying in bed looking at me and admiring me and my body….all these things are missing from my relationship…how can I go on like this?…What can I do to help things get better?…What am I doing wrong?…Please help me?…I love my boyfriend, he is my life and i couldn't be without him, but a huge part of us had disappeared, please tell me how i can get it back???I am beginning to lose hope?...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): This guy is INSANE, maybe he has depression about something... maybe he wanted to achieve something higher in life (job etc), you should ask him about what he's thinking of.. does he want to move country? does he want adventure? Ask him before you leave him. It could really be something simple thats bothering him, maybe he isn't comfortable with himself(body)...
to refuse all that you mentioned... is crazy! So I'm sure that hes got some sort of Depression or something complicated going through his mind, don't leave him.. he probably loves you very much, and you should try to find out what it is that is making him this way.
K.
A
female
reader, Rosygirls92  +, writes (31 January 2010):
Gosh, don't feel bad. Maybe its not you, maybe its money problems that are killing off the sexual appetite. Maybe ask him. If that doesn't work, try 'sex him up'. Organize a romantic dinner and do the candlelight and petal thing. Hope that helps :)
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