A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Late 2007 I met this guy, we were both getting over our relationships, started hanging out a lot, comforting each other from our loss and one thing led to another but we both had an understanding that it wasn't anything too serious. About 5 months after we met I became pregnant with his baby. His reaction... very shocked! I on the other hand was preparing myself to take on the responsibility with or without him. Things became serious between us. Throughout the first 7 months of pregnancy he would go home every weekend (1-1/2 hr drive from where we lived)to see his family (mom, dad, and sisters). He would never take me with him. I figured he's a guy and that maybe he needs time adjust before the baby arrives so I let him have his space. I did get a little suspicious and asked him about his ex girlfriend, but he would tell me that he doesn't even talk to her any more and that she moved somewhere else. The last two months of my pregnancy we moved in together and then he found out he was leaving for deployment and started training. He would have to go out to the field for training for two to three weeks at a time before he left. After the baby was born in Oct I finally met his family (very loving people). I get along with them and they give so much love to our son! He leaves in January, on a good note with me and the baby. I go searching for something in his car for some paperwork, told by him to do so, and then I come across a reciept from a hotel with the date Jan 6, 2009 (three days before he left). I asked him about it. He told me that he rented the room for his cousin. I just wasn't sure about the answer he gave me, so I asked for his bank account info so I could look at his statements, he said he had nothing to hide, and since June there has been hotels rented at least twice every month, including New Year's Eve when he told me had duty. I then got really suspicious so I got access to his hotmail account and sure enough I found out that he was writing to his ex-girlfriend and that he's been seeing her since I was still pregnant with our son. I confronted him about it and he confessed. He told me that he was very sorry and that he loved me and wanted to work things out when he gets back. I asked him if he still loved her and he said that he didn't know.I gave him my heart put all I had into this relationship. I'm so confused I don't know what to do. I love him, we have a son together, but I don't want to go through this again. I told him that I needed my space right now and not to expect anything until he gets back from deployment.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (6 April 2009):
 Hi there,
I agree that both of you have some thinking to do. You have to decide if you can trust him again. The other thing you need to think about is if this man is who you want to spend your life with.
Sometimes when a baby arrives the focus becomes the baby and the relationship doesn't grow naturally. It becomes forced. So, both of you decide if this is the relationship you want...with each other.
Regardless...the baby will have a relationship with both of you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): I feel for both of you. He probably would never have been serious about you had you not gotten pregnant and he tried to step up and do the right thing for the baby. You fell for him and hoped that the baby would seal a relationship. He never stopped loving his ex but now since everything is out in the open, maybe he can decide for his child to move passed her. I don't think you can ever expect for this to be an ideal relationship but I think you both can make it work for the sake of your child. In his defense, his heart really did belong to someone else and it seems as though he's trying to overcome that.
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