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We have a baby on the way and he's speaking to another woman on twitter, please help?

Tagged as: Cheating, Pregnancy, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 April 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2012)
A female United States, anonymous writes:

help! I am 8 months pregnant and I just found out two weeks ago my boyfriend of a year was talking to other female on twitter when i asked him about it he told me he just be playing with so I put him out in an attempt to get him to see that he was wrong for doing that to me an he would realize that he was hurting me by doing that an want to work on our relationship but I see thing have taken a turn for the worst because I never see him anymore he text me when he want to just to say hi an when I ask him if we r still in a relationship he say yes but I don't see how when we r not working on anything so the other day I asked him not to call me anymore unless it's about the baby he tells me I'm wrong because he wants to no how I'm doing but he still haven't made any attempts work anything out and I love him so much and it's hurts me fake like I'm ok with everything an all types of things r starting to go through my head like him seeing someone else an just don't want me to no I cry every night so yesterday I block his number because I don't need him to call an check on me when he should be here with me is this the best thing to do when we have a baby on the way help!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012):

I know you are pregnant & your emotions will be running high but I high agree with "Natasia" & "Youwish".

If he was just chit-chatting to this girl on twitter where is the issue?

If he was flirting or whatever else then you two need to sit down & have a chat of your own.

You have a baby on the way,a baby who needs both he/she parents around them.

You need your partner for support.

Just give the guy a chance.

How are you going to explain to your child in 10 years time that you threw their father out & almost refused to sort things out over a girl on a silly social network site?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012):

I know that being pregnant can make you hormonal, but really you have created this problem. All he did was talk to someone else - who happens to be a woman - on twitter. There is nothing wrong with that. But you freaked out and jumped to conclusions that this means he's cheating on you or about to leave you, and got all mad at him and threw him out. that was way out of line. What message are you sending someone when you throw them out? You're telling them that you no longer want them around and that you don't care about them. From then on you just kept getting more and more vindictive at him.

You're the one who doesn't want to "work things out." You've just been reacting and trying to make him feel bad. and now by blocking his number you are sending him yet more messages that you want to end the relationship. Do you really expect that he will somehow want to get closer to you after the way you're treating him??? He'd have to be crazy to want to stick around you now.

If you want to be closer to him, then stop playing childish games designed to make him feel hurt just because you feel hurt. You need to calmly and non-critically talk with him about what's bothering you, and you need to also have respect for him and that you don't own him. When you play games, usually they backfire because they send the opposite message to the other person, which is that you don't want to be with them anymore. So you can't blame the other person for thinking you're the one who wants to end things, and thus to start moving on themselves!!

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (4 April 2012):

YouWish agony auntNatasia's absolutely right. I think all I'm about to do is say the same thing in a different way, but I want to make a point:

Blocking his number, throwing him out of the house, and telling him not to call you are Nuclear Events when it comes to relationships.

First rule of relationships, never, and I mean NEVER EVER use a Nuclear Event unless you mean to never see this person again. A Nuclear Event is reserved for a final break up. If you have used these things to try and teach a lesson or to punish a guy, you will be the one learning the lesson when he decides he's had enough of you and has embraced his freedom.

How can he "be with you" if you've thrown him out?

How can he work things out when you've blocked his number?

How can you two patch your differences when you've told him not to call you?

What he did was TALK to another woman on Twitter? Did he even know who she was? Were they sexting? Was she texting him? Did it go to Facebook where pictures and flirting took place?

What you just did was kill a fly with a sledgehammer. OVERKILL. If he was truly flirting with another woman and such, a stern conversation and the two of you face to face talking it out was in order.

You "putting him out" was a Nuclear Event. That's like saying "The beatings will continue until the morale increases!". Do you not see how ridiculous using a Nuclear Event to patch up a relationship is?

Listen to me: You might have just lost him. You let your pregnancy hormones screw you out of working things out. You allowed your own hurt feelings and desire to hurt him back possibly destroy your relationship. You may have won the battle, but you are in danger of losing him, your baby's father, and the entire relationship forever.

Nuclear Events do not teach lessons. Nuclear events end relationships. It's like shooting a bullet. You can't call it back. You can't unscramble an egg. You can't take it back.

So you need to unblock your phone, YOU contact him, and invite him to dinner or to come over to talk it out. If he won't, then you're screwed. He didn't have sex with this girl, and if it was on Twitter, I'm guessing 140 characters doesn't get that much into depth.

If he was being disloyal to you, it should be addressed, but not with Nuclear Events unless you're done with him, and I mean REALLY done.

So yeah, follow Natasia's advice, and do it sooner rather than later, or you will be alone during childbirth.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (3 April 2012):

natasia agony auntWell, it seems to me like you are the one pushing him away. Check the facts:

He spoke with another girl on Twitter. When asked about it, he said it was nothing to worry about.

You threw him out.

He kept calling you.

You asked if you are still together. He said yes.

You asked him not to call any more.

You blocked his number.

??

You say 'I don't need him to call and check on me when he should be with me' - so why isn't he with you? Because you threw him out and blocked him.!

I don't know what you understand by 'working on the relationship'. To me, it would be talking and being caring and being there for each other. But when he tries to do this, you block him.

You aren't making much sense. I think you should stop this - just call him, ask him to come back, calm down, get on with being pregnant and building your relationship. And stop being so difficult!! Sorry ... I just think you are making problems where there aren't really any. Think of your baby. You just must grow up, and quick. Get the guy back.

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