A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend broke up with me 8 months ago and i slept with someone else after a few weeks. After this she wanted me back and i told her what happened and she still wanted to get back together with me. It was OK for a couple months but then she kept bringing it up and saying that if i really loved her it never would have happened and she hasn't been able to get over it. Now she wants to go on a break where she is allowed to get with whoever she wants but i don't want to because i don't see it as the same thing because the only reason i slept with someone else was because i thought our relationship was over and i feel that she just wants the freedom to sleep around with prospects of getting back together with me. Am i unreasonable to say its not the same thing and tell her if she gets with anyone else its over? i really do love her and i want this relationship to work but i don't think i could forgive her if she got with someone else knowing that i didn't want this break in the first place. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank You.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 May 2010):
That's just immature and pathetic of her. Dump her right now. Either she commits here and now, or she doesn't. You didn't cheat, or do anything wrong. But she is saying that she wants another break to have sex with someone else and then come back together? That's cheating, and you shouldn't allow it. Revenge is a stupid thing in a relationship, because it does nothing but destroy. Dump her.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I think honeypie nailed it. This is a no win. You didn't cheat on her because you were broken up. She basically wants to cheat on you. Immature, irrational, selfish, and plenty of other words come to my mind.I made it a rule a long time ago to never date someone more than once. Meaning, If we're "official" and we "break up," I will not be getting back together with you. Here's why, it always ends because the things that drove you apart in the first place will do it again. The make up/break up game has no winners. Do yourself a favor, break this off before you get too attached. This situation doesn't sound like one that will be resolved before someone is hurt very badly. Maybe it would be best to let her know that if she can't grow up, it's over.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): I don't think there is much question about this. If the genders were reversed then I think the chorus of agreement would be even louder.
She is wrong and you are right.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 May 2010):
 Seems utterly immature of her.
I see nothing good coming from this. If you don't "let" her she will obsess about your "fling" and if you do let her, you will both regret it, but the blame will fall on you.
A no win/no win situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): I sort of understand the situation. Tell her that you did not purposely sleep with the girl to get back at her. And if she sleep with sumone else, she will be purposely doing that and that is not fair. You did not hurt her coz you were on a break. But she would hurt you. And I feel its completely okay to say that you will break up with her if she does that. She needs to forget the past and move on. Nagging and wanting to seek revenge does no good to a relationship.
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