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We are really close friends but I want more!

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Teenage, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 19 March 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 16-17, anonymous writes:

I really need some help. For the last 2 and a half years I've been crazy about this girl. We have known each other for years, and are extremely close friends. Over the last couple of years, we've been close to becoming more than friends a few times. The last sixth months or so have been incredibly tough. We got so close, and I finally thought we'd end up together. But I panicked, and so did she, and it hasn't worked out. She thought she just didn't want a relationship with anyone, but is now getting very close to this other guy, and thinks something is going to happen soon. We're extremely close friends still, and she doesn't want to hurt me. I desperately want to be okay with her and another guy being together, because all I want is for her to be happy. But I'm a complete mess. Even the thought of her being with another guy makes me feel sick. I need her in my life. She has also said how she desperately needs me in her life, but clearly just as a friend. I've been trying, without success, to get over her since I fell in love with her 2 and a half years ago. But it's just getting harder. She's the perfect girl for me. She's the only person who can make me so happy. The fact we were so close to becoming something more makes it that much harder. I have so many regrets. I just don't know what to do.

View related questions: fell in love

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2017):

At some point people just need to realize that they can't have their cake and eat it too. You want to still be friends with her? That's like saying "this mature adult shits on me all the time but I still want to stay and clean up its shit." That's basically saying you never want to allow yourself to fall in love with someone else. Because guaranteed, as a woman speaking, whoever you date in the future will have the immediate intuition to realize that you're still stuck on this girl "friend" of yours, and will run from you if she has any self respect.

If you want to move on with your life you need to realize that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Want to know the reality? You were never "just friends". You always wanted more. She said no. She said she doesn't want to hurt you? Guess what, she is hurting you. Move on with your life and get some self respect.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks a lot N91. Looks like I'm going to have to tough it out. I cannot lose her as a friend, even if I can't have more. It's bloody hard though. It's absolutely destroyed me

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 March 2017):

N91 agony auntThere was a pretty much identical question to this asked a few days ago it's the same country, gender and age group which doesn't happen a great deal these days anymore, apologies for assuming.

If you insist on being in each other's lives then there really is nothing you can do, you just have to accept that she will meet someone else. There's nothing that can prepare yourself for it, you just have to see what happens when she actually finds someone and go from there.

In the mean time you need to think about trying to speak to other people so that you can focus your attention elsewhere. Either that or pick up a new hobby or throw yourself into something that can keep you busy.

As long as you speak to her though I'm going to say it will be virtually impossible for these feelings to subside. Maybe take a temporary break from her until you can get your feelings into check.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

As a response to N91: This is my first time using this site, so I have not asked about this already. I'm such a close friend to her, and we need each other. We have tried to get out of each others lives before and it hasn't helped or worked. My main concern at the moment is that I can't deal with the thought of her with another guy.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 March 2017):

N91 agony auntYou asked about this already. You won't get different answers.

If you were going to become something it would of happened in that 2.5 years. Don't kid yourself man.

You need to end the friendship or you will never get over her, sure it sucks and will feel like the end of the world but believe me it isn't. I myself fell for a girl I was actually seeing for 1.5 years but she didn't want anything serious. It hurt a lot to hear that, but my life hasn't ended, I'm still going and all I had to do was give it time. I haven't been seeing anyone else in that time either so I did it all on my own.

You will get over her. Remove her from your life, I blocked and deleted her off everything so I couldn't contact her and it made it a lot easier. It is hard st first but it did get easier. I still think about her now occasionally, but I know I made the right decision and you need to do the same thing.

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