A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I am very confused about what to do. I have been in a relationship with someone for the past five years. We are both in our 20s. He has cheated on me repeatedly. I went to work abroad 1 and 1/2 year ago but I would come back for summer holidays and also at least 6 times during the year. He promised that he would not cheat. I came home for Christmas and saw a mail to a girl that strongly shows that he cheated. I asked him about cheating with this girl and he said he did not. I did not tell him about the mail.He finally admit that he cheated with 2 other females. I told him I was leaving. The next day, he asked me to marry him. After he did this, I told him that I know he cheated with the first girl I mentioned, I told him about the mail. He then said yes, he cheated with her but he did not cheat with the other 2, he said he just made that up.I believe that he is lying and that he has slept with all three girls. The problem is I love him but the reality is that even though he treats me good and says that he loves me, he has lied to me repeatedly and for the last five years, he is always cheating. He claims it is just sex and these girls mean nothing. My head tells me that he is messed up and does not deserve me, but my heart does not want to let him go.
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cheated on me, christmas, long distance Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Ember13 +, writes (12 January 2008):
I'm going through a somewhat similar situation. It's hard because you feel one thing but you think another. You know that this behaviour isn't acceptable and you don't like it but at the same time you care about this person very deeply and you don't want to lose him.
I would say get rid of him. He cheated on you and not only that, he also lied about it to you. This isn't acceptable. It's going to be hard to end it but I think you should do it.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, ladyrachel02 +, writes (8 January 2008):
 Can you picture yourself married to this man?? Imagine yourself at home, with possible kids while he is out doing whatever he wants. He will make your life miserable! A relationship without trust is no relationship at all. You know that he cheated but you are allowing him to disrespect you in every way. Do not ruin your chances to meet someone better, just because your heart tells you to. There is someone out there who will make you feel you like you are the only one in his life. So do not be afraid to let him go, because he has clearly shown you that he is not the man of your dreams...of any girl's dream. So kick him to the curb because if he really loved you to begin with, he would have never slept with any of those girls. Whatever BS he tries to give you, about just being sex, ignore him and move on.
To get through the hard times, try reading these books, "Its called a breakup because its broken" and "I used to miss him, but my aim is improving". Maybe you read them already, but if you have not, hope they help!! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): I understand that sex is an important part of the relationship, and to be honest, I don't think long D relationships would work unless it's a short period of time (1-2 years at most), but to cheat repeatedly is just unacceptable. There's such a thing called empathy, if you put yourself in that other person's shoes, would you have done the same? How would a man feel, if his girlfriend cheated on him repeatedly because she just really wanted sex? I'm pretty sure the man would be devastated and the girl would be labeled a slut. In the ideal world, ppl can do as he/she pleases, but unfortunately, we need morals and ethics in the REAL world. If you want to be in a stable relationship, then do not marry him. If you feel that you can handle any emotional turmoil, then stay with him.
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A
female
reader, **Laurzie**  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 You said it yourself. He does not deserve you. I know its awful to break up with someone. It takes a lot of courage and it is something you have to do.
What would happen if you married him....he will cheat again and again coz he'll know you will take him back. And you''ll spend the rest of your life feeling like your not good enough.
Well you are good enough, you deserve someone who will be with you and only you.
No one is saying this will be easy but time is the best healer.
Whatever you do just make sure that you are happy!!!
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (5 January 2008):
 Your mind is giving you rational reasons to go.
Your heart will never say go. Hearts don't speak that language. Hearts whine and cry and beg for you to ignore your brain.
Guts assimilate subconscious and conscious thought, and the yearnings of the heart, and spit out an answer without explanation.
I bet your gut says: Leave Him.
I think you don't like what your gut and brain are saying so you are looking for anyone to convince you to go with your heart.
Leave him. It does not matter that he is sorry. He did not cheat ONCE and than decide he had made a grievous error, never to be repeated. If that were the case, my attitude might be different. He cheated MORE than once and the thought of losing his sucker, his doormat, his regular piece of ass in between the other ones that he meets ... Well! That is enough to make a man ask for your hand (and regular sex).
Don't do it.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  + ♥, writes (5 January 2008):
 I don't think that you really believe that he treats you well, so you must mean by "he treats me good" that you will stay with him because he treats you well financially. Because finding messages from other women can't really make you feel very good. And you are writing to us because you don't believe that he didn't sleep with two more women than the one that he got caught with? SO, He has just proven to you that you have to have to catch him in the act and that he will lie to you repeatedly. And then he proposed to dangle that over your head so that he can lie and cheat on you for the rest of your life, till death do you part?
Imagine all of this repeated over the years and having children to take care of. Imagine trying to get him to be a good example to your sons. Imagine trying to convince your daughter not to date men who treat them badly, when they look into your eyes and you know it's because they learned to accept less than they deserve by following your example, their Mom.
You know that you deserve so much more than this. It might hurt your heart to leave him now, but how much messier would you like it to get before you say "Enough is Enough"? There are good men out there who would treat you the way that you should be treated. You need to ignore what your heart is saying and re-read your own letter. Stand up for yourself and leave him. Best of luck with everything Dear.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (5 January 2008):
 Dont marry this guy. Unless you want a constant heart ache.
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A
female
reader, Rach88  +, writes (5 January 2008):
I think this is one time u have to let your head control your heart. No-one deserves this-and you need to tell yourself you most def don't! The marriage thing is only a way off keeping you-i think he believes you are his security but you can't just be some ones security-it's not fair... trust your head with this one- you deserve more! xo
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