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We are both divorced. Originally intended to stay that way. How do I how bring up "marriage" as an option?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 February 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 21 February 2012)
A female United States age 51-59, *lyersfan70 writes:

I have been dating a man for a year and we live together. We are very happy and love and respect each other the problem is we are both divorced and when we first met we both said we never wanted to get married again.

I now feel like I would love nothing more then to be his wife, and I am not sure how to even begin to bring this subject up to him.

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A female reader, 1sunshine United States +, writes (21 February 2012):

1sunshine agony auntWell... I am in the same situation as you! ( except we aren't living together ) He mentioned to me three months into our dating, that he was so happy with us being in a relationship and wanted it to stay that way. aka ( why spoil a good relationship by getting married? LOL ! ) I agreed. We are both divorced and both have kids. Well... I knew he was the " one " from the start and wanted to give us some time to see where things were going. Anyway... It's been almost a year and I want to marry him more than anything else in the world!!! I don't want to scare him off by talking about marriage. So I rented a movie "The Wedding Singer" !! It was a great way to see if he would possibly open up to me :D AND HE DID!! He said " Would you ever want to get married again? " I said yes. He said that he thought that he would never do it again but after meeting me?? He changed his mind...!! There's lots of wedding movies out there. Why not give it a whirl? It's a pretty indirect way of bringing up the subject without badgering him ;) Good luck!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (21 February 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntAbout 15 months ago I started an affair with a man who swore he never wanted to get married. He said he did not believe in marriage. This worked GREAT for me as I was married (in an open marriage so not cheating on my spouse) and was not interested in getting married. And even if my marriage broke up I did not plan to ever get married again.

Things changed. I am not exactly sure how or why but when my marriage broke up we got serious… still not planning to marry… then things changed. I would be very happy to never marry still but all of a sudden this man who swore he would never marry.. who had never been married… who does not believe in marriage wants to get married.

February 29th is next week. It is the traditional day for women to propose to men… We know we are doing it and we have dinner plans for us to go out so I can do our formal proposal (he wants me to propose and he is taking my last name)… so if you think you may want to marry him now perhaps that would be a good day to ask.

Plan a nice romantic dinner and tell him that the history of Sadie Hawkins day lives on and you were wondering if he would do you the honor and privilege of taking you as his wife.

You do know that he can say no…. so it’s a risk you have to take but life is about risks… on the other hand… maybe he’s thinking about it too….

good luck and keep us posted

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012):

I'm glad to hear how happy you are, and the love and respect you both have for each other.

Unless you share your thoughts with him, he will not know you have changed your mind. Perhaps the next time you are both relaxed with good quality uninterrupted time, broach the subject. Share with him how you both felt when you met a year ago, that both of you never wanted to get married again, and then share with him how he has changed your thinking completely. That you are so happy with him, that you love him and you would love nothing more than to be his wife!

He will either be flattered and may have had a change of heart too, or he will be shocked and will need time to gather his thoughts with what you have shared.

Make sure he understands where you are coming from, and that there is no pressure, no demands, nothing like that. In fact, state you would continue with status quo, but would love to be his wife.

Let him think about it if he is not sure, and agree to talk about it at a near future date. If he continues not wanting to get married, then you will either have to respect that because going in you knew that was how he felt, or if you truly want marriage again and it's a deal breaker now, then you would have to move on, which I doubt you want being so happy with him. At least he will know how you feel, and nothing ventured, nothing gained. Even if nothing changes and he doesn't want to get married, you can continue as is, with him knowing you are happy enough to want to get married to him, which is a compliment.

Best Wishes,

xxxx E

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A male reader, Hot guy with game United States +, writes (21 February 2012):

Well, for one that happen to my 25 year old sister and she wanted to get married that same situation came up ... So she brought it up and he was fine with it he felt the same way so just get the truth out he won't hurt if he says no it's fine it's not the end of the world you may find a better guy so it's fine to take risk in a relationships so just tell him.

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