A
female
age
,
*ccomodating
writes:50 year old specialed. school teacher. 2 grown sons.And...a extremely verbal abusive, emotional, mental, and sometimes push/shove type of physical abuse. Tired of it. It's affecting my health. My emotional state and self concept has always been at risk. My doctor and pastor advised me to leave. My sister begged me to leave and come live with her. So I did...3 weeks ago. I moved 120 miles away. I took a teaching position at the same school as my sister. Her family has welcomed me with open arms. Her husband has taken a job with FDA 8 hours away. She will only see him every 6 weeks or so. Seemed like a most opportune time for me to leave. My eldest son is mad a me and blames me for "breaking up the family". He too has suffered abuse from his dad. Unfortunately, they are 2 birds of a feather now. Both alcoholics as well...more violent when drunk. My youngest said they both bad mouth me nightly. I'm the big bad bitch. Was I wrong to leave and what are the odds that my eldest son will change his tune about me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): You shouldn't worry about whether they bad mouth you or if your son will change his tune. You're safer out of it and all credit to you for having the guts to leave them to their booze.
You were right to leave, no doubt about that. There's many a woman in the position you were in that doesn't have anywhere to go and is stuck in a drunken violent marriage. You're one of the fortunate ones.
A
female
reader, Lifeless831 +, writes (19 July 2008):
I may seem young, but I have seen this sort of thing before.
You had every right to leave. You're children were grown with their own lives to live, so you weren't leaving any obligations of that sort behind you. You made the right decision. I know a lot of people feel that "leaving" is bad, because marriage is suppose to be forever, but I'm sorry I could not deal with someone abusing me in any way. Neither should you.
You should not feel bad for trying to leave a situation in the past and trying to make something better of your life.
As far as your son goes, I'm not completely sure if he ever will change his mind about you leaving. Maybe you should try to get him alone, while he is sober, and try to explain to him that you just couldnt take it anymore. Just be honest and open with him. But I'm pretty sure one day he will realize why you left and wont blame you anymore. The fact that he is an alcoholic probably explains a lot. Meaning that because he drinks, he probably just doesnt understand yet, which is why you should talk to him.
But over all, regardless of what anyone else tells you, you made the right decision. There is no reason why a woman should live a life of abuse. Just be safe & take care.
Good Luck. & if you need to talk message me :]
-Candy
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A
female
reader, Belladonna +, writes (19 July 2008):
No No NO! You were so right to leave and you should be proud of yourself! Don't let what your son said bring you back to that asshole! If anything, stay further away because there's two of them now! If he changes his opinion or not, that's his business, but don't put yourself in jeopardy over someone who doesn't care if you get hurt or not.
Be proud of yourself baby, we're proud of you.
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A
female
reader, diamondgal +, writes (19 July 2008):
 Sorry that you are going through so much trouble with your sons. People should have nothing but honor and respect for their parents, and when they don't, it is ashame. Your pastor and doctor are right! You deserve to be around people who treat you with kindness and love. And it sounds like your sister and her family provides that.
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