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Was I wrong in turning down invitation to go away with BF and his family this weekend?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 December 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 11 December 2013)
A female New Zealand age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I was wondering if I was wrong for saying no to going away with his family for the weekend? I've been in a relationship for just over 2 and a half years and I truly love this guy however the last few months have been really rough...A week can't go by without there being a major fight but back to the main point... My boyfriend gets upset or offended about small things really quickly but instead of talking to me and working things out the will choose to make like I'm not there. This has happened numerous times when I've spent time with his friends or family and I'm often left sitting on my own with no one to talk to and begging him to tell me what's wrong. The last time I went on holiday with his family he couldn't get his way with me so he got upset and made me feel really uncomfortable. I swore from that day that I would never put myself in that position again. This time I made an excuse as to why I couldn't go and surprise surprise it lead to another fight.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for all your advise I really appreciate it. I sat him down yesterday and was open and upfront about why I didn't want to go. He said that he understood. I also brought up the fact that we fight a lot and surprisingly this was the first time he made any attempt to make things right. Thanks for opening my eyes to the fact that its better to be honest. I do realize that we had both mentally checked out of this relationship although we are both willing to give it one last shot.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013):

You fought; because you didn't come right out and tell him exactly why you didn't want to go.

Fighting a lot means a relationship is coming to an end. You have to know how to work things out. Once you realize your partner isn't making any effort; they should become your ex.

Everyone wants to have their way, and I'm sure there is a lot of stubbornness on both sides.

Think things out, and decide if it's worth sticking things out.

If he is inflexible and an unreasonable guy; stop hanging on for old-time's sake. Being together should be great, and fights should be few. You're too young to be acting like a couple of cranky old married people.

I think your boyfriend is irritable; because he's tired of being in a relationship. You both need to get out, and start seeing other people.

If he isn't trying to make things better, it's because he doesn't want to. He'd rather not be there at all.

The things you fight about may be small to you, but the number of fights add up. It doesn't always have to be a big fight. It means he finds little things annoying; because he feels pressured to be with you. So he's finding fault with every move you make.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (10 December 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI would have declined to go too but I would NOT have made an excuse. I would have told him the truth. Heck you had a fight anyway so lying (making an excuse) is the better choice here... time to get it out in the open and either fish (fix it) or cut bait (break up)

The relationship is dying..if at your age there is weekly fighting in a 2 year relationship, it's just about two folks not wanting to face an uncertain future without a known person by their side.... but you are not happy and neither is he...

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (10 December 2013):

CindyCares agony aunt I think you have been wise and prudent . But I also think that if you have to fight all the time about stupid stuff, can't find a miidle ground or a way to get along , and have to be constantly given the silent treatment... well, what's actually the point of being in this relationship ? " Love " means nothing if you can't make it work in normal, everyday life, and not just in random moments of whirlwind romance !

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 December 2013):

Honeypie agony auntMaybe him getting some time alone and you getting some time alone over the week-end is a good idea.

The thing is you are now BOTH avoiding the issues. Before it was just him. See what I'm getting at?

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