A
female
age
36-40,
*yisha
writes:I went out with a guy on and off for 3 months. We spent so much time together and he was so charming. After the first month, things degraded and we argued a lot. He gave me silent treatment lots. But we always made up. Then one night he embarrassed me when he dumped me on a double date, without much explanation apart from the fact that I never listened. He said he never loved me and that I wasn't nice. At the 3 wk mark he contacted me and we met up, and he changed his mind about calling me horrible. We dated again. Again he threatened to leave, and stormed out after arguments. He would drown his sorrows and come back when I told him I loved him. We never talked much as he used to come over very late. When I tried to talk he would make excuses or watch TV. We were both virgins still. Then one day he told me he wanted to or he would leave as he loved me so much it was hard not to. I wasn't ready, and I didn’t believe in pre-marital sex. We planned to be together forever though, so I agreed.I went to his house one day to give him a present before I left for holidays. His unpleasant mum didn't want me there and he agreed. But I came anyways. I got lost on the way to his house as it was dark. He was moody, and said I didn't listen to his directions. I said sorry, and when I joked he should sneak me in he lashed out at me and made me cry. I told him I wanted to split up, but he just gave me that sad look. Over the holidays he ignored me and then apologised but said he was depressed. He said I was the reason for his depression and that he could talk to other people better. The break gave me time to think and I dumped him.When I came back he started to harass me. A mutual friend’s birthday caused problems as I said I didn’t want tension as I was seeing someone else (true). I felt ok saying this because he said he didn't like me anymore. But then he said he was 'bringing someone'(later this was realised to be made up) and I flipped. I told him not to make me jealous. We argued and he put me down. I defended myself against it. He texted me at 3am in the morning that night drunk off his head, apologised and asked me if I ever understood him, and I reassured him. I do believe he was trying to kill himself as he said I saved his life and loved me. I said I wanted to get back with him. He said he needed to sort himself out and think about it. At the party he told me he wanted to talk. We kissed, and we tried to talk, but I wasn't comfortable as his drunk friends were interrupting us. He also said that his friends didn't want me to be there and he had to respect their wishes. He said I never made him feel ok that night he harmed himself when I obviously had. He told me it felt wrong and then shouted at me that it was always about me. I then left. I said he had changed and wasn't the person I fell in love with. I also found out that he told my friend that I said it was his fault that we broke up. Not true. But I blamed myself for everything. I never spoke to him for 2 months. I contacted him to be friends but he never apologised and I realised I was abused. I told him what I really thought about him in a civil manner. He responded aggressively and abusively with threats and said he broke up with me and that everyone he knew thought I was crazy. He said he had low self-esteem and tried to play victim. I then blocked him. He still floods my thoughts but I am recovering. Does he sound like he was emotionally abusive?
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both virgins, broke up, depressed, drunk, emotionally abusive, fell in love, jealous, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Does it sound like he was emotionally abusive? Quick answer - YesYou seem to be intelligent and rational enough to realize that he has been emotionally abusive to you. But you are still clouded by these emotions and feelings you have about him. I just got out of an abusive relationship that lasted two years.I went through the silent treatment, the watching tv, the walking away or leaving you somewhere to teach you a 'lesson'. It's embarrassing, humiliating, and definitely controlling/manipulative behavior to be subjected to. Quit worrying about him, DO NOT contact or try to be friends with him. Because you have to ask yourself, would a friend do those things to you? If no, then you don't need to be friends with someone like that.
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