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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: hi, i am 43 years old and been on my own for 17.5 years, my ex left me when my daughter was five months old and i have remained single. i have met someone i really like and we have seen each other a few times. last night he came to see me and said he wanted to take me out to a really posh restaurant and i pulled a face and said i didn't much like the idea, then explained that it was because i don't have fancy clothes or wear dresses, he seemed okay with it.today i thought about it and thought it had been unfair that i had turned down a lovely offer (it is also for his birthday) so i messaged him and said if he wanted to go out to the place he had mentioned i would go. his reply was he had no idea what i was talking about, he did not recall the conversation. i asked him if he had either been drunk or lack of memory and he said lack of memory.firstly i feel an idiot and secondly i find it hard to believe he would forget asking me the direct question of going to this posh restaurant, it also makes me think that when he told me he really likes me and thinks a lot of me he is just saying it.so am i being irrational or not?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 May 2017):
 Okay well if he is the liar you say he is then just end things.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2017): Well, I rest my case. Yet more lies. Grab your dolls and dishes and run! Don't look back!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2017): Have you realised that this man deliberately lies for his own purposes?Have you dropped him off mentally and physically?Have you fallen in that he will continue to spread a web of lies, pitting people against each other if necessary?Do you accept that he was attractred by your vulnerability and naivity which will allow him to propogate his own desires at your expense.Do you need to see it again and again?Have you gone no contact and decided that your life and your love is too good for some smooth talking schmuck!Take your time but remember your aim is to survive this and not to be part of his warped repetoire!But the sooner you get him off your friends list the better it is for you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnow another weird thing has occurred. He told me he was married with two step children (which he was) and when they divorced she took a lot of money and he also put aside £250,000 each for the two children to go to university and since they didn't go or complete he will get all the money back. i have seen the ex wife profile on facebook and she states that she is skint (this is shortly after split five years ago) and without sounding rude there is no way his step daughter ever did a first year at harvard (which he claims she has done), i am beginning to find his behaviour very odd....
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (23 May 2017):
As bizarre as it does sound I think you shot down his ego so he is deciding to block it out and not talk about it again. Why not offer to cook him a nice meal for his birthday or take him out to a low key place for bar food.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): My dear, your better judgement is what makes this situation linger in your mind. The fact he denies the conversation still disturbs you. That's because you know the conversation clearly occurred and there is no denial that it did. If you're smart, you'll store this incident in your memory.
He's passive-aggressively dismissing the conversation; so not to have to admit he has changed his mind. In any case
he has withdrawn the invitation. So pretend it was never offered. Get it? He has probably asked someone else.
This man still denies something you know he said. If you remember it, and can still recall the details; one of you is lying.
You're obviously impressed by the man, your loneliness pushes you to dismiss what your common-sense will not accept. Don't act out of desperation. It's beneath your dignity. Grovel at no mans feet because he makes a few extra dollars. You still deserve respect and honesty.
If his memory slips so badly; then he must be on some heavy drugs. That, or he suffers short-term memory-loss from brain-trauma. Worse-case scenario, he's a pathological liar.
Take all of our advice into consideration before you get too emotionally-attached. Any way you look at it, he flat-out lied about it.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 May 2017):
 Major red flag... Based only on this reaction. Not only is this very suspicious, it's also bizarre and there's no good reason for a response of this kind. Lack of memory my a##. Please be careful of this guy
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): He's gaslighting you and its working perfectly!You now doubt your own rationality!You remember your facial grimace thereby accepting responsibility for reacting inappropriately and also giving us the information we need about your own "lack of grace" and the need to react.In all honesty we dont care if you pull a face,flutter your eyelashes or fart in public!Only the person controlling you cares about that!Listen to the owl who succintly tells you that this guy is a rats arse and you are walking down gaslight alley!Why would you believe a word he said or will say in the future?In case you still doubt yourself that means he is untrustworthy and has you in a state of selfdoubt because he needs to control you!Selective memory on his part is all part of a gaslit alley so get out and stay out!In other words dump him, ditch him or kick him to the kerb.Tell him to trot on, walk on or drop off a cliff!If you want a life with a sensible reasonable person then find someone else.If you keep judging your sanity or rationality by him then you will be irrationaly un-sane !Dont be controlled by a gaslighter...They make useless companions!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know my response was shitty, there are reasons why I responded that way. he is used to going to places like that and has the money to. i am a single parent with little money, at least not the money to splash out on fancy clothes etc and I do feel inferior because of that. also I am 6 years older and even though he says he finds me attractive I doubt myself and think he can do better
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe seems very honest as a person in general. I messaged him last night and said i find it odd he doesn't remember things he says to me and he said he does, but why he can't seem to remember this conversation i don't know. I never said directly it was about going to that specific restaurant i just said it was up to him where he went for his birthday, he said he could not recollect that conversation
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (23 May 2017):
A man ask you to a nice restaurant, you not only reject him you do it in a really crappy way. Then sometime later you send him a message saying you will go if that's what he wants to do. What man could possibly turn down an offer like that?
You showed him what you think of him and now he is returning the favor with his memory lapse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): He's having selective memory-loss. He's sorry he brought it up; based on your reaction ("i pulled a face") and the admission you didn't have the appropriate attire for the occasion. He's also being quite childish and impolite about it. You would have known if he was intoxicated.
To totally withdraw a statement and then lie about ever saying it is a red-flag.
I wouldn't trust anything he says from this point on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): Possibly he felt upset when he asked you and you said no, so he's pretending it never happened.
Possibly he asked someone else to go with him instead, unfortunately doesn't look like you will ever know now but he obviously wants you to forget about it.
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