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*onfusedscot
writes: ok so here goes...I have been with my current boyfriend for 18 months.. he is 20 and i am 17 we live together and get on pretty well most of the time..he has been violent towards me in the past which made me quite insecure. Hes recently been remanded in custody until the 20th of this month. But while he has been inside it has dawned on me that i am very attracted to another boy..we text each other constanlty and he has told me he really likes me and is falling fast! To top it off hes only 15 and is my best friends little brother!! Should i stick to what i know and turn my back on this younger boy.. or should i take a chance? help!
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best friend, insecure, move on, text, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 You wouldn't be 'throwing your whole life away' you will be moving onto bigger and BETTER things....I know it's scary, but that's just because you are in a routine with him - you won't always feel this bad - remember that! xxx
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female
reader, confusedscot +, writes (8 June 2006):
confusedscot is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to reply.. I still havent taken the plunge yet, still feel a bit nervous about throwing my whole life away.. I mean, i know its the right thing to do and all but it is a big step.. But thank you to everyone anyway! x
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 You're in a perfect position to get away from a guy who already makes you uneasy and who, by your own admission, has been abusive to you. Hurrah! Do it! Don't answer his phone calls. Don't respond to his letters. Let it be over, and thank the heavens for taking him out of your life.
No one should EVER stay in a relationship that's based on anything other than friendship, mutual respect and shared interests. If your lawbreaking boyfriend doesn't make you think well of him ALL the time -- and this guy doesn't -- then he should be your lawbreaking EX-boyfriend.
Now that you know you should get away from your BF, you need to consider what to do next. Getting straight into another relationship starightaway might not be a smart move. Yes, you're attracted to the new boy, but he's awfully young, and you've been dating a guy a few years older already, so you and this new boy mightn't be "on the same page", socially or emotionally.
In spite of the attraction, I don't think it's wise for you to jump right into another relationship with anyone right now. You're too fragile, and I suspect that you have a fairly negative self-image, based on the fact that you've allowed yourself to be with someone who treats you badly and who breaks the law.
In fact, I suspect that, deep in your own mind, you don't think you're very loveable at all, and you hope, quietly, that having a boyfriend will convince YOU that you're OK.
Can I suggest that you not get into a romantic relationship for a while, until you sort out your feelings about your soon-to-be-Ex? You need to be able to understand why you wanted to be with someone so awful and negative, and why you had to ask a bunch of strangers on a website to validate your feelings. Until you do, you're likely to be stumbling around from one bad relationship to another, not knowing why you keep picking unsuitable men.
Just dump the Loser, and take care of yourself. Stay friends with your friend's brother, but don't get involved with him until you understand yourself and your motives a bit better.
Good luck, dear.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Hes already been violent towards you, do you really want to hang around and wait for this to continue when he gets out ? Hes in prison now, and hes breaking the law, how many more times is he likely to end up there ? your only 17 why be tied to someone thats violent with a prison record, its only going to end in tears. Get out while you can to save on the heartache. Find someone thats going to treat you right and not be violent towards you. As for the new guy, take a chance if you want to, but maybe be on your own for a bit and see how you feel.
Take Care x
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male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Well, the first thing I would suggest is to get out of your current relationship.
If this guy is violent towards you, then he does not deserve you and you will do much better.
Give this other guy a chance, it might be the best decision you ever made.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Personally, I don't think it would matter if you were or were not interested in someone else.
Your boyfriend sounds like a violent man - I mean, you admit that he has been violent to you! That is way out of line and completely UNACCEPTABLE.
Life is too short to waste it on violent, lying, cheating, horrible people. Life is especially to short to put up with an abusive partner.
I think its time that you moved on regardless of your feelings for this new guy. Your boyfriend sounds dangerous and I'm sure you can do a lot better.
Treat yourself with a little bit of respect here. No one deserves to be abused and you should walk away from it.
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female
reader, hannieseds +, writes (7 June 2006):
Hi there,
Right away I don't like that in the past he has been violent towards you - is this or a similar reason (anger problem maybe?) why he is in prison? I understand you have been with him for 18 months, but please think really long and hard about if you want to submit yourself to further possible abuse. You are only 17 years old, you are too young to be putting up with crap like this, not that anyone of any age should continue to be with a violent partner!
It sounds like you already know the answer to your own question....
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next..delicious ambiguity.
You are so young - TAKE A CHANCE!
xxx
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