A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I began talking to an Indian girl last year that I met on an internet site. After months of emails and phone calls we decided to get engaged. I'm seperated with my divorce going through the courts and I made her aware of this from the very beginning. I flew out to India to meet her in March for the engagement. I gave her the ring on the second day I was there and everything was fantastic. We had a few glasses of champagne to celebrate and then a little later she said we should get married the next day instead of having a hindu engagement ceremony. I reminded her I was still married and couldn't marry her until my divorce was finalised so she asked if we could have a 'blessing ceremony' from the priest as a 'mutual understanding' because she is very religious. I agreed. We had the ceremony and again everything was fantastic and I returned to the UK. Alarm bells started to ring when she started referring to me as her husband but my sister, who is married to an arabic guy, told me that engagement is basically a 'done deal' for marriage in that part of the world, so I let it go. I flew out again in May and we started arranging a visa for her to come back with me but it was rejected. Unfortunately things have started to deteriorate. She has become extremely clingy, my phone never stops ringing, text after text after text and if I don't answer or switch my phone off she threatens to kill herself. Now it turns out that the so-called 'blessing ceremony' was a hindu marriage ceremony but she hasn't registered it and if I leave her she will kill herself and her family will go to the police and the British Embassy. I'm worried sick!!!!!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 July 2008):
 One more link for you.
http://www.britishhighcommission.gov.uk/servlet/Front?pagename=OpenMarket/Xcelerate/ShowPage&c=Page&cid=1188498875494
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2008):
I did a little research on this, and it seems to me that she cannot legally register this wedding in India, as you both would have had to present yourself at the registrar, within a month of the ceremony. Als the fact that you are still married would render it invalid. See the text at these websites:
http://weddings.iloveindia.com/indian-weddings/hindu-marriage-act.html
http://society.indianetzone.com/weddings/1/hindu_marriage_act.htm
Perhaps it might be a wise idea to contact a matrimonial attorney in India, via your own solicitor if possible, to explore exactly what your legal position and options are. Or contact the British Embassy yourself and ask to speak to the consular department.
http://www.britishhighcommission.gov.uk/servlet/Front?pagename=OpenMarket/Xcelerate/ShowPage&c=Page&cid=1017170902295
She sounds a bit mentally unstable, honestly. Can you contact her parents yourself, to make sure they have understood your position here?
I wish you good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 July 2008):
Well she has got the most to lose here. Her marriage isn't valid and she's lied to you.
If you have no intention of leaving her then you have nothing to worry about. Besides, even if she did kill herself and her family went to the police / embassy... what could they do? You could tell them you weren't leaving and she had gone crazy. You are in a different country, you're hardly making her do anything.
Why not get her to come and visit you on a holiday? Or go and visit her again? I think you should contact her family and tell them that she is threatening suicide. That way they may be able to talk to her about it.
Re-apply for her visa if you still want to marry her and if not then go out and end it but make sure her family understands why and that you feel tricked by her.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): Can you go to the police and explain your story? I don't know the laws, but she can't just blackmail you like that!
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