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age
51-59,
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writes: Well I am back since my husbands affair, you know I thought things would change they have a bit, I feel more strength in myself. As for my husband, who I cherished the ground he walked on, he looks weak, he no longer is the man I loved and respected I dont even feel sexual towards him. He is always kissing me and cuddling up I smile back and pretend but inside I feel like telling him to go away. I feel like I am with a stranger, like I dont know this person....is this normal..and in my dream I dream of my life how happy and how many guys I had to date,,,like I picked the wrong apple...also our finances are horrible he lost his job and we pretty much have to start all over...he is not much of a worker and it doesnt bother him about finances...I have two kids and they cant stand their father, due to affair and now our finances. help
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHONEYPIE
you NAILED IT! that is exactly what is going on, and yes I will work on my marriage, I have tried to sit down with him, and told him I need to leave and the options, and he keeps on saying that he wants another chance, that he will prove how much a man he can be to me..that the woman was a whore, he says it is sso bad he cant even remember her face he so disgusted with the way she looked, he said it was the nastiness, the seduction over the computer,,,but when he got to the door she almost cried telling him how insecure she was and that was all it took, she even had bought condoms,,,can you believe it omg.....this is hard to fathom
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I didnt mention that he is making money, he doesnt need me financially at all, if anything I need him financially if I leave. I will have to deal with government assistance since I HAVE a bad back I hurt myself in nursing, So NOOO this man does not need me for finances...he is lucky to be a smart man with money, he had a good job, but now is in to renovating homes making more money, doesnt like to do most of his work he has his workers do most of it and I dont like that...so money is the least of the relationship worries...this was all do to sex, and how anal sex was not for me so some whore told him she would bend over for him and that is how that affair happened, alot of whores on the net to do anything for men, thats where men know that where desperate women go when the supermarket isnt working...they hide behind the screen...she was good for one thing only...but I married someone who has the same morality level as this whore......and this is where the problem lies
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): why are you still with him. i kno he is only with you because he has lost his job. you are the stable one. he doesn't give a damn about finances. i am sure he expects you to help him out. and care for him. and "love" him. this man is currently using you. this life that you dream of..it can be a reality. you want to tell him to go.....then do. you are wasting your life with this man., what does he give you. do you want to lay in his arms and think of his affair. hes got nothing to offer his mistress, therefore he is with you. why are you being burdened with him. tell him you feel nothing for him. tell him to go away and not come back. tell him your feeling are dead for him. why are you pretending? for the kids sake? No, They hate him as much as you do. why subject them to him. he betrayed you and your kids.
i info that honeygirl has given you is all true to an extent. in your current situation, this emotional blackmailer, this freeloader is just taking from you. if he had finances, if he had something to offer his lover, he would be gone. he stays because he has nothing. selfish but real. this man betrayed you, you see the weakness in him now, not much of a man is he? you are so much stronger and deserve so much more. why are you sufferig this dealth sentence with him. love, what love? time to value yourself and look at the bright side. you know you can do better than him. am ask again, what does he actually offer you. NOTHING.why are you pretneding. he has killed your wmotions, he has killed the love you once had. now is your time to shine. now is the time to say, my life is precious, my life is valuable. i deserve better, and go out and find better. this hb of youurs only settled for you because of his nothingness. plse make your life count and leave this weak, pitiful man" his lover could have taken him. i think you have outgrown him. too bad he doesn't see it. his false kisses and cuddling is actually a little "thank you for not throwing me away during my poverty days. he needs to get off his sorry ass and he needs to work. you cannot and should not carry him any more. let the ex cheater know you do not need him anymore. he had his season, now you get your life back. without him.
i normally say work on the marriage but someone not pulling their weight, no way. do not let him steal your resources and finance any more. you will miss him but there is nothing left in you for him. he killed your love. and he will never get this back, no matter how hard he tries.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 June 2009):
 Honey, you stayed with him, but you haven't forgiven him yet. IT IS TOTALLY NATURAL!
You husband got knocked down of that pedestal you put him on. Of course you resent him.
But, you do resent him and you resent yourself. That is NOT moving forward and you know it. You need to figure out what you want. You need to figure out what would make you happy. You are miserable right now and so is everyone around you. Concentrate on what YOU want. HOW you can be happy.
Understand that what he did was WRONG. It wasn't YOUR fault. It was his action and his action alone. Don't own HIS crap. Don't carry it around. In this day and age no women need to "Martyr" an unhappy marriage. If you CAN NOT forgive, that is ok too. Divorce is an option. It is scary. Being a single mom all of a sudden, with less money, smaller house, smaller car, having to pinch pennies, asking for help... But thousands of women do it and a lot of them do it WELL.
How old are your kids? And how much do they know about the affair? Of course they resent him too. Again it's NATURAL. But, they need to understand 100% that it IS ok to still love DAD for DAD. That is is NOT their fault their Dad messed up. That he still loves them. That he is still DAD even if he did something that hurt MOM's feelings.
OK, this will sound harsh. But I'm saying this because I have SEEN it and lived it. My best friends parents had a very drama filled marriage. Her dad was a serial cheater and her mom an emotional roller coaster. She would share in DETAIL with her teenage daughter and her daughter's friends (me) what her husband had done and was doing.. I have to say it frigging scarred me for life. Her daughter too. Her daughter has two failed marriages at 40 years old. Yeah I know her mom isn't to blame for those, but I think some of the CRAP she passed on, has seriously done damage to her daughter in the men she picked, the way she thought a marriage should work.. you name it. Her dad and his cheating has influenced her too.
So, You need to stop talking smack about him in front of your kids or to your kids. You need to stop sharing your feeling about what he did with your kids. This is business between a WIFE and HUSBAND.
And you need to start thinking about yourself and your happiness. Staying with a man you resent and do not love is NOT going to help your children as they grow. They will do much better with 1 parent, who is happy them with two who are miserable.
If you do stay, work on the marriage. Get help. Marriage counseling is an option. If you belong to a church then seek help there, a lot of Churches have free programs and counseling.
And chin up. You didn't mess up, he did. But he can not clean it up without you.
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