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Tips, please? How to deal with a rude much younger colleague?

Tagged as: Age differences, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 March 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2016)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

when a work colleague ignores you? what to do?

you say hi at start of work, they ignore you or say sharply "hi" or blank you and say nothing

but talk and smile (and hug at times) and say hi to others

you've done nothing wrong

you work with them 3-4 times week so yes yu do

have to speak at times!

you are older and have been there years,but you are both equals at work, she is 23, confident and very good at her job

neither is better tham the other

how to deal with a rude much younger colleague, (and no i dont mind she's much younger, 80% colleagues young) she's rude though!

if I dont say hi, likely i'll be considered the rude older colleague

tips please..

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (28 March 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt You don't mind her being much younger , but maybe she minds you being much older ?.... At her age some people are ageist, not all of them but some. They can't imagine that yes, there's a life after 30 ( often a more interesting and fulfilling one than theirs ! ) so they just can't summon any interest for anybody who's in the "wrong " age category.

But whether it's the age gap or not, probably she has noticed that you tried being friendly and she is tryng not so subtly to discourage further approaches. Her frozen demeanour spells out " Don't even go there. Let's SO not be friends ".

In your shoes, I'd just try to shrug it off and not let it affect my mood. She ignores you ? Ignore her back. Say

" hi " because YOU are a polite person, and two wrongs don't make a right; other than that ,decide that if she does not want to know you... her loss not yours.

Sure, you could take her aside and have a heart-to-heart with her :" I have noticed that you do not even answer to my " hi ", how come, is there a problem ? "... but I don't know if I would bother. Probably calling her out on her bad manners , you could shame her into being more civil . But what's the point of a regard and consideration that's been extorted through reproaches and pressure ?

You know that you never did anything wrong to her ,so if she is cold shouldering you that's because of who knows what irrational unmotivated dislike inside her head ; in other words the problem is HERS , not yours.

You can surely keep on performing your job adequately or even brilliantly, also without the confort of a cozy chat between colleagues. That would be a bonus , of course, but it's not something that you can demand. So probabaly the easier way to deal with this problem- is to train yourself to not make it a problem. If your relationship with the other colleagues are generally friendly or at least civil and stress free - I suppose there's room too for a workplace black sheep.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntJust keep being polite and professional.

While a lot of us have made friends in the workplace - we really don't go to work to socialize. (it's just an added bonus sometimes).

I'd ignore the rudeness, or snubs if you like, and just go about your business. Sooner or later people will notice her attitude.

Accept that she isn't interested in friendship or general civilities and that she doesn't seem to have manners. Doesn't mean... you should jump in the "gutter" with her.

I had for a short time a female supervisor who thought I was her personal servant. That because I would drop the boss off at the airport (if he asked) and grab his dry-cleaning and drop it off at his home on occasions - that she was entitled to the same. What she failed to understand was that my boss lived 5 minutes from me and we used the same dry-cleaner. When I TOLD her that picking up her dry cleaning and HER (yes, she wanted me to chauffeur her to work when I had the boss's car) was NOT in my job description, she turned rather nasty.

Thankfully, my boss were well aware of my work performance and of her attitude. NOT because I told him about her, but because she didn't hide it. In the end she was let go at the end of her 90 days trial period.

Just do your job, and don't let her attitude get you down. Some people think that in order to "get anywhere" rudeness is a must. She'll learn... eventually.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2016):

DOnt take it personally. SHe might not be rude . My daughter had a friend like this. WHe she came to the house, she never said hi, or ackwnolwdge my presence. Once i took them out for lunch and the girl acted like i am not there. She would start talking to my daughter when i was still talking and so on. SOme young people do not notice anyone who is older than them. Its an existing phenomenon but it does exist.

Dont stop being polite. Say hi like you would do with other people

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