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Should my stepbrother and I date in secret? Our parents have told us that we can't.

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 March 2016) 10 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2016)
A female United States age 16-17, *es10ee writes:

me and my step brother like eachother but my step mom and my dad have set us tow down and said we cant date but i want to know if we should date secertly or not

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A female reader, followtheblackrabbit Cayman Islands +, writes (29 March 2016):

followtheblackrabbit agony auntWell, the other Aunts have said it: it wouldn't be right. You're 16-17 right now and though there's an attraction there, it doesn't mean that you should pursue it :) I considered going out with a step-cousin (no blood relation) but then, I thought how weird is that??! I saw him all the time, went to the same school, everyone knew him as my cousin and it we started going around holding hands and such, the "ew" factor would come in for a LOT of people and explanations would have to be made. I was glad I didn't go for it cause he actually turned out to be a complete jerk. But even if he hadn't, it would have been weird. Thank God we never dated cause he's at most family Thanksgiving dinners. I don't like my turkey served with a side of Ex-boyfriend. Dating in secret is no fun either. Sneaking around is stressful and you can't go anywhere publicly as bf/gf. You're young, enjoy life and dating boys who can go out with you publicly and won't upset your parents. Your parents mean well. There's gotta be another cute boy out there for you :) If it's meant to be with this stepbrother, it'll happen in the right time and place which is not now. Your relationship could really upset family dynamics etc. Don't think on it so much, your parents disagree and he's definitely not the only boy you can date.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (29 March 2016):

chigirl agony auntAre you living together? Then I vote for no. It's the same as dating a co-worker, only worse. When things go sour, or you have an argument etc, then you can't get away from each other and have to be together still! Its torture until one of you finally moves out.

Or worse, what if you fall in love, and then he falls in love with another girl?! And he brings her home and you have to sit next to them by the dinner table and be miserable.

No, just don't go there. Date him when you've moved out.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2016):

If you two are minors living under the same roof as your parents then you two have a sibling relationship so dating would be inappropriate regardless of biology.

Would you really want to force your parents into splitting up and maintaining separate residences to ensure that you and your stepbrother aren't sleeping together under their roof?

And should stepbrother knock you up how are you going to explain to the kid that you're his mother and his aunt, his father is also his uncle, his grandmother is also his great aunt, his grandfather is also his great uncle AND he's his own cousin?

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (28 March 2016):

Ciar agony auntI'm surprised that you would need anyone to specifically forbid you to date one another.

You're step siblings, which by it's very nature means you're off limits to one another. I know there is no biological risk of inbreeding here, but it's still totally inappropriate.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI have to agree with SVC

You are both under the age of 18 thus in many regards "children" and while you live under your parents roof, you follow their rules.

If there are still feelings of mutual affections AFTER you both move out of the house after 18, there isn't much they can do or say.

And let's say it doesn't work out between you two if you do it in "secret" - how AWKWARD do you think the family life will be FOR EVERYONE?

And trust me, you won't be able to hide this secret. Not from your parents.

What is the hurry anyways?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (28 March 2016):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI agree totally that if you were older that it would not be your parents issue but at this point as teenagers it's not going to be a good idea and I think you should listen to your parents.

AFTER both you and your stepbrother have matured and moved out of the family home and have experienced relationships as adults if you are still attracted then I think it would be legally ok but think about how awkward it would be if it didn't work out and you broke up... then you would still have to see each other at family events... and who would want to explain why it's so awkward?

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A female reader, wrathykins United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2016):

wrathykins agony auntNo you shouldn't. Your parents have told you that you can't for a reason and you should respect that.

To date your step brother in secret is going to make your life alot more complicated than it should be. Just leave it be and eventually your feelings for him will diminish.

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A female reader, Mayah Playah United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2016):

Mayah Playah agony auntFrom what I can see, you're 16-17 years old. Now, if you were older, I would tell you to do whatever you wanted, but since you're so young, my advice is to listen to your parents. This is your stepbrother. For better or worse, this is the person that you're going to be connected to until, God forbid, your parents split up. Think about the consequences of your actions. What if you two don't end well? What if you break up and it isn't amicable? You clearly live with him. Can you imagine living with your ex-boyfriend? I can't. Just give it time, wait and see if the crush dies down. If it doesn't, then by that time, you'll be in college and living your own life. Your parents won't have a say in what you do.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2016):

I don't know what the law says in America but as long as you are not blood related I don't see any reason why you shouldn't date or even get married in the future.

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A male reader, TylerSage United States +, writes (28 March 2016):

TylerSage agony auntThis one is a bit sticky, but it all comes down to the stigma of society. It's really up to you, you two are not related so it should be fine. It's just explaining your relationship to others that can pose a problem. You guys are young, so it may just be a phase, not to mention, the fact your parents are against it could be a driving factor to make you want it even more. If you really like each other go for it but the weird part is, what if it doesn't work out? Are you going to avoid each other at Christmas dinners and family events. I say chase after love if it feels right but its the long term effects of your relationship that I'm worried about. Be sure this is what you want and that you can handle the outcome of it. All the best.

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