A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been living together for 5 months, without getting too deep, she has some medical issues, including some stress and anxiety issues. Shame on me for not really getting to understand the extent of these issues, but I'm adapting. Recently her cat began defecating outside of the litter box, our carpet is quickly becoming a mess and anytime I try to address the issue she has one of her fits. The vet has said there's nothing wrong with the cat. This is all further complicated because she has recently depleted her supply of meds.I'm the bad guy, because I'm not being understanding..I'm the bad guy because I'm not being supportive..I'm the bad guy because I don't understand her issues..As it stands, I just want out of this relationship, but I still care enough that I don't want to hurt her, problem is, thats going to happen anyway. Trutthfully, I could adapt to the medical/moody/emotional things well enough, but my house is stinking like a litter box, and I just can't accept that, I cant be flexible about that, I can't allow that to keep happening. In the end, I feel like this cat is more importantto her than our relationship, and I suppose thats what I'm using as my 'well, she made her decision' reason.Things weren't perfect in our relationship before this, but the cat issue has just pushed me over the edge. I can't fake indifference, I live in this house, I shouldn't have to sit by and act like everything is fine.Am I quitter? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Right so this is easily solved. Im guessing you have job centres over there? Take her to one, make her find a job. If she cant do it for herself then make her do it. Tell her that she either finds a job or youre outta there. Help her search online for one too. Maybe she thinks her illnesses are gonna prevent her getting a job. So you need to assure her that people WILL employ her. If she still wont get a job then finish it, she cant expect you to always pay her way, especially not when shes a fully grown woman.
The cat- Tell it off each time it poops on the floor, clear it up and scoop it into the tray. Get carpet cleaner and spray air freshner to prevent it smelling. You need to tell her that its her responsibility and she needs to care for it or else youre out.
I knew there was more too it than the cat! You really need to help her out and talk to her. Its not gonna resolve itself. Let her know how you feel, its no good carrying on as if your happy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): http://www.catinfo.org/litterbox.htm
To the people who say "it's the cat or me" take a look at the article above.
Your girlfriend probably is very negligent in her litter box duties and that is why the cat is pooping outside the box.
Cats need clean litter, they need the box washed out weekly, they need it replaced if it can't be cleaned. They sometimes prefer two boxes, one for poop and one to urinate in. Cats are not filthy, they are fastidiously clean animals, it is their dirty humans that fail to realize this and care for their litter box properly.
Do you like using a filthy toilet? I think not.
If you need steps on cleaning a litter box the right way, let me know, otherwise I won't bore you with the details.
She sounds like a loser, and she isn't going to change because you tell her too.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Get rid Buddy. It's high time she starts taking care of herself. You'll actually be doing her a big favor by breaking this off.
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A
male
reader, citic101  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 kick her out you know what to do , She doesnt work uses her computer all day , sounds like a lazy so and so ! you know what has to be done
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think it's not so much the cat as it is her indifference to what is happening. "Oh well, what can I do?". Let me expand on it a bit, the cat is a mature cat, and has been using the litter box for years.
This is just the latest in a series of issues that leave me with a "what the?" look on my face. I'm not happy, she's not happy, she expects me to take control of her issues, and when I do, becomes very defensive when my solutions require effort on her part.
To the people that said "it's just a cat." I would say "If your SO had a dog that kept eating your clothes..." You see where I'm going with this.
When she moved in, she said she would be getting a job (never happened.) now she has no meds (hundreds of $$ per month for these meds without insurance) and again, shrugs the responsibility of taking care of herself, instead figuring it's fine if I spend the $$ and then we are short of finances. This is a grown adult woman, not a kid just out of school. She sits home, plays on her computer, and sleeps all day long.
Yeah, it's more than the cat.
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A
male
reader, citic101 +, writes (1 July 2009):
No ... Its a dirty cat doings its business on your carpet if your going to split with her you are going to hurt her so best to tell her its you or the cat !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): I think you want to put the blame on the cat as that is something that takes you off the hook for blaming her for leaving her.
First off cats naturally want to defecate in the litter box as they want to cover their stuff, the only time a cat will poop outside of the litter box if health issues have been ruled out, is that the litter box is either too smelly and dirty even for the cat or the litter box is in a place the cat has difficulty getting to, or the litter box has a cover on it and the cat has trouble turning around in the litter box, or the edge of the box is too high for it to get in. Especially the placing and size of the litter box is important for elderly animals who have difficulty walking or have arthritis. Cats avoid pain.
Further you are going to have to have your carpet cleaned by professionals who can rid it of animal waste smells with chemicals, otherwise it will be difficult to retrain the cat to go in it's box.
Back to your girlfriend. She has mood/emotional disorders and doesn't take her meds. This would be very difficult to be in a relationship with someone like that and if you don't want to live like this then break up with her. Much better to do it now than go through a messy divorce later.
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A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (1 July 2009):
Its a cat, i cant believe youre going to let a cat ruin your relationship. It cant purely only be that thats tipping you over the edge, noone would end a relationship because a cat poops outside its litter tray. The cat just needs training, you need to be patient with it, and any poop thats outside of the tray scoop it back into the tray, every time and soon it will realise thats where it goes. Hell i got a cat, rat and two guinea pigs running around my little flat! They sometimes have accidents, but all it takes is a bit of clearing and some air freshner, its not the end of the world!!
You must have other issues that are getting you down, it cant purely be because of the cat. If you really want out then go, it'll hurt her but she'll move on. Or at least talk to her about how youre feeling, you shouldnt ever fake that.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 July 2009):
Not a quitter just need to move on. Why keep beating a dead horse? Your relationship just ain't cutting it for you so it's time to end it. She may have issues but that really is her responsibility to deal with them. I think you've been very understanding. Be as kind and gentle as you can be when you tell her. Good luck and keep us posted.
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