A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts,I've been seeing a guy for the last week and we seem to be getting on great and getting quite close. We're going on our third date Monday and already have our forth arranged. We speak everyday and I couldn't be happier right now. Only a small problem, a month today I have breast enlargement surgery booked or a 'boob job'. I'm only 21 and have size aa and a asymmetrical breasts which have always left me with confidence issues. I wear a B/C bra with chicken fillets however so that people are unaware and don't notice the size difference. I have always been wary about sexual partners and have only been seen naked by 2 boys that I spent at least 8 months dating them prior to this. So my question is, when do you think it would be the right/appropriate time to tell him about this? It has been arranged for 5 months, it's paid for in full and my pre op is done. Therefore the decision is final and one I needed to make for myself. Part of me wants to tell him, but im scared he will be put off by this factor and I'm nervous about opening up to him about my insecurities. To him it looks like I have quite big boobs and don't want to look silly explaining why this is. Second of all I don't want him to be more interested in myself for the wrong reasons, basically because of me having the boob job done. Finally part of me thinks that I should just not tell him as he is none the wiser so far and proceed. Only problem being is that I have to wear a sports bra for 3 months post op and if we are still dating he will more then likely notice and then may feel hurt about the fact I was talking to him when I had the op but did not tell him. I'm also worried about if the time comes to get intimate, I would rather it be after my surgery so I dont have to go through the embarrassment of him seeing my current breasts.
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boobs, bra , breasts, confidence Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 December 2013):
 I would tell him you are scheduled for surgery. I wouldn't give details because it's not really information he NEEDS to know til YOU are comfortable with him and SHARING it with him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013): I think he will be excited by it. Don't go too big though, when you've been an aa if you skip to a d it looks bloody ridiculous and I love fake tits! Also when my wife got hers done she was 32 and you have to get them redone at least once every ten years... so starting at 21 is a big financial investment that I hope you're prepared for. It's usually 7-8 years to be on the safe side. Hope the op goes well
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 December 2013):
 "Part of me wants to tell him, but im scared he will be put off by this factor and I'm nervous about opening up to him about my insecurities"
First off, if HE will be put off by you having a boob job, and if the opinion of random men you go on dates with matter most, then you'll never find yourself happy. Because you can't please all. And, even if you tried, they wouldn't be happy. What actually matters is what you yourself think about yourself. Screw what anyone else would think. He gets to like or dislike, stay or leave. That's his choice. You, however, will not either have or not have your boob job based on what a guy you've gone on four dates thinks of you. His opinion is not worth your attention. A MANS opinion of you in general is NOT worth paying attention to. You do what YOU like and want, and then the man who ALSO likes these things will come your way.
Second, what do you mean open up about insecurities? You don't know him well enough to be comfortable blurting out why you want a boob job, nor do you owe him any explanation. You keep that to yourself. He can get informed, and I think it'd be the polite thing to do. To inform him that his new date is going to have surgery. But to explain and justify it? Absolutely not mandatory.
Of course you can wait with getting intimate at whatever time you feel comfortable. The only reason you'd mention the surgery to him is because it is surgery, after all, and you will be affected by pain killers, maybe the sports bra will bring up questions, hugging will probably be out of the question. Lifting will probably be out of the question. I had a family member who got a boob job and she couldn't lift heavy things or pick up her 5-year old or give him tight hugs afterwards for some time. So, it'll be visible, and thus you could tell him in order to inform him.
You're NOT telling him because he should start thinking about your boobs, or because you want him to see you naked, or because you want to bring up the topic of sex and when you can have it. Those are not the reason why you should tell him. "Danny, I'm having a boob job, which means we can't have sex until this or that time..." No, that's absolutely not why you'd tell him. So don't even start bringing it up. You and him are not yet serious enough to have sex, and discussing the topic of when you'd eventually have sex is just awkward. Cross that bridge when you get to it.
But do tell him you're having the surgery once you get closer to the date as it'll matter in terms of what's practical. You will be busy for some time in the hospital, you'll be on pain killers and not in party-shape, no hugging etc. Just inform him of the basics.
Do not start a discussion with him about how you are insecure, or start talking about sex, or how you don't want him to see your boobs as they are. He might be a douchebag who wants to see your boobs before/after, but if he suggest that then drop him. You bringing it up doesn't mean your breasts are open for public viewing. Nor does it mean your insecurities are up for debate. Just inform him of the factual aspect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2013): In my opinion, you're always going to have to wonder in the future if guys are only interested in your body after you get the boob job either way. Isn't part of the point though to have beautiful male-satisfying breasts? I think the issue is deciding on the breasts to get. I've met several girls who have had breasts jobs done and it seems to change them, and guys know this. The issue isnt going to be that you are insecure right now, because whether people show it or not, we all have insecurities and would rather trade someone else for theirs. The issue is going to likely be that he wouldn't want you to gain so much confidence that you will openly show them to other guys, always wear the tightest shirts, and pretty much go into flaunt mode, from my personal experience. On another note, if he's cool about it, it would always be nice to allow him to come along and help you pick them out. It's always nice to have a guy's opinion on those things! And if he doesn't like it, well cheers to your dating future of having nice tits; something every girl wants at your age!
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