A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is driving me insane....can anyone help please?So me and my bf are in love but recently I've been getting really insecure about his past especially the fact that I wasn't his first kiss but he was mine. It never bothered me before but I accidentally stumbled upon some stuff online where people are saying your first kiss is your best kiss and how everyone misses those butterflies that came with it. Now I feel like our kisses aren't as good as his first kiss and I don't give him those butterflies... i want to be his best kiss ad give him a better feeling. How can I get over it????? Btw he had his first kiss 10 years ago and has said it wasn't awkward or bad and that just makes it worse :( I know this is irrational but what can I do to get past it?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 Have YOU kissed your boyfriend? Had sex with him? Yes. Right?
OK. Now lets say you break up some day in the future because no one knows what the future holds. Much as you shake your head in disbelief now, things happen and sometimes for the best. Anyway, now say you find someone else who really IS the love of your life, someone who truly loves you BUT you didnt know you would meet him and the fact that you've kissed someone else/ slept with someone else means NOTHING now because THIS is the guy you love! You wont even think of the past and each time you see this guy, you'll experience feelings that you've never felt before.
This is exactly what's happening to your boyfriend. He didn't know that he would meet you! My first kiss wasn't bad either but it was with a guy I wouldn't even look at now. Does that mean that thinking about that kiss gives me butterflies? Hell NO!! If anything, I try NOT to think of it or anything else that I did with him, even though the guy gave me some of the best orgasms of my life!
What I'm trying to say is, your B/f had a past. He didnt know he would be meeting you and you didnt know you would be meeting him! Dont ever compare relationships and private moments because the time that he's spending with you is what makes everything as special as the first time for him, as it does for you.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 Each new relationship is a new chance at a first kiss drama. treasure each first kiss as a special gift. Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you. Drop the drama and relax, life will go on whether you want it to or not. You may have dozens of first kisses. ENJOY!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): My first kiss was at 12, there was plenty of teeth, and my tongue was like a garden strimmer but I caught on quickly and she said I was a great kisser.
Was it my most special? No. Is there any one kiss that's the best of all? No. I've kissed a lot of people in my life and a lot of them have been amazing, and a lot of them had been shit too.
The first time I got up the courage to properly go in for a kiss as a teenager was pretty cool but she wasn't a great kisser, kissing my wife after the first time she told me she loved me was an amazing feeling.
OP kisses are not a one time only deal, there's no such thing as the best.
That phrase is a made-up romantic notion with no basis, it's the clichéd hollywood moment of kissing in the rain (which is actually pretty great). My first kiss with my wife wasn't as amazing as the one she gave me when she told me her mother was in remission, it wasn't as amazing as the kiss we shared on our wedding day when we finally got to be alone, it wasn't better than the kiss we shared at our first music festival together while covered in mud watching Muse and high as hell.
Do you think we'd keep kissing people if it was only great once, and that being the first one too?
Seriously, OP, kisses can be beautiful moments and you'll have plenty of those in your life. There is no best, just like there's no best sunset, or best cloud formation, sometimes you'll just look up to the sky and see something that moves you, you always will.
Kisses are no different.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 Perhaps it would be helpful if you learned this:
When people say, "...your first kiss is your best kiss... it DOESN'T mean, literally, your first kiss EVER!!!! It means the first kiss that you give to your B/F or G/F THAT DAY!!!!! You actually get 365 chances to give your guy his "first kiss"!!!!! (366 chances during Leap Years.)
So go on out there and plant a wet one on his waiting lips. I'm SURE he's waiting for it.... FROM YOU!!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 You have a problem with listening too much to what "others" say. You didn't have a problem with this until someone online made it out like you should have a problem with it. Now suddenly you feel insecure about something that is absolutely ridiculous. The first kiss is NOT the best kiss ever, omg, that's about the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I get it, you're insecure, so you want to believe in all sorts of negative things you hear or read. Because it feeds your insecurity. But please realize that the problem does NOT lie with the kisses, first or last kisses, best or worst kisses. The problem lies with you and your insecurity and strange need to be "best" at everything, and somehow see competition everywhere and in everything.
If you can't get a hold of your own mind and control your emotions and negative thinking, then the only other option you have is to seek therapy. Because this sort of thinking is not healthy, and if you give in to it you will only get worse in time. Now you fret about not being the first girl he's kissed. Soon you will fret about not being the first girl he hugged, or liked, or got a peck from, or held hands with, or ever saw in his life.
You need to draw the line. You can't allow yourself do have these crazy thoughts. You need to work on pushing such irrational thoughts aside, and STOP listening to what people say. What others say is NOT the truth. Trust in yourself and in your own judgment, and if you find some people bring negativity into your life through their words or opinions, then you need to cut those people out of your life because they are poison. Don't allow their poison to ruin something good in your life.
For the record, my first kiss did NOT give me butterflies or anything at all. But my first kiss with a new boyfriend DOES give me butterflies. The first kiss with someone you care about is special... regardless of how many have kissed your lips before. You know, several families have customs of kissing the children on the lips, I can guarantee you they do not get butterflies from it. Yet they have been kissed. So that theory about "first kiss" is just BS and a hype. Kissing someone you love is by far a better experience.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 August 2014):
 You Wish explained it perfectly.
My "first" kiss was wet and sloppy... He might as well have been a Saint Bernard... It certainly wasn't the best.
Don't overthink this. Just have at it. Start out slow and then let him lead you or you lead him... And ENJOY it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 August 2014):
 Actually, you've misread the saying entirely.
The "First kiss is the best" means "the first kiss with THAT PERSON" is the best. Doesn't mean your first kiss with your first person. It means your first kiss in a new relationship is the best.
His first kiss with you qualifies for that saying 100%.
Personally, I disagree with the statement. My very first kiss was amazing with the guy I was with, but it doesn't compare to kisses I have had since then, and truly, if a kiss is like a dance, then kissing with someone you know where both of you know the intricacies of each other's mouths makes THOSE kisses the best there are, especially if they are during sex. Besides, the first guy I ever kissed turned out to be a dog, so I couldn't care less.
You've got nothing to worry about. Every time is like the first time.
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (18 August 2014):
You know what I cant even remember my first kiss and to be fair I don't actually think it is important to lads.
I have never heard of the butterflies when having the first kiss , so maybe what you are hearing is similar when people say the first time having sex has to be special when 9 times out of 10 its over in a flash and not all what it was made up to be.
so don't threat he prob doesn't care.
But if you want to try to something that none of you have done and then you can have that for the first time together
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