A
female
age
41-50,
*urtingcouple
writes:I love my boyfriend of 13 years with all my heart and soul! I can't picture my life without out him and I really don't want to! We have always had an awesome relationsip! Right now it's a bit rough-1st time ever! I just wanna fix it!He recently cheated on me with a girl at work, they flirted like he flirts with everyone - young/old ugly/pretty... doesn't matter. So this girl decided to take it further, she knew he had a gf and kids but she didn't care! She made my boyfriend feel good about himself! He has depression that was unmedicated, decided to be a scumbag. (very unlike himself) but I was preoccupied with my own problems for once in my life and didn't give him the attention I always have. I just had a baby and my sibling was going off to war. So I kinda feel like I put my life on hold-for a while but I denied how I felt about it so never told my bf how I was feeling wich was not like me. We've always communicated pretty good. We have both always adored each other and been so in love! After we discussed his cheating once it was done, I revealed that about 7 years ago I cheated on him too. This was befor we had kids. My bf had the idea to be swingers. I wasn't sure but I said we could try it and in total we were were 2 couples by the end. He would always tell me go find someone even if it's just a guy so the one time I finally listened to him I asked this guy I worked with at the time, the guy said ya maybe we can do that. He gave me a ride home once and stoppd by his house first "for a minute" offered me to come in and tried 2 kiss me. I didn't at first but then I did and we ended up sleeping together. (a few times) I was stupid! I was afraid to break his heart, I tried to tell him so many times and of course the guy says no you can't tell him. So we both cheated once - I was never in public or involved anyone and never told anyone but my bf had his bf go with him to hang out with them a few times. (his best friend is a guy who I've never really been too fond of but accepted and I didn't trust but I trusted my bf 100%!) after this I did not trust my bf with his bf at all! (His best friend has cheated on his gf at least twice and she still doesn't know). My bf tried to make it up to me so he stayed home for 2 months and his best friend was pissed because he thought I wasn't allowing my bf to see him (and of course he couldn't understand why? or even that my bf may not want to? Sometimes he doesnt and this guy thinks it's because of me!) I only said I don't feel comfortable with them hanging out driving around going 2 bars doing who knows what? I said can you at least please cut back on length and time for a wile? because before that my bf was going to his house almost on every day off. Sometimes it would be all day and sometimes it would be part of the day and once in a great while he wouldn't go at that point in our life. His best friend also has a family, but doesn't much care what his gf wants or thinks - he's very selfish! This guy isn't a good influence on my bf and like evryone, my bf has his own flaws. Don't need or want his added in! (even my bf's own sibling can see this) but now my bf is spending almost every day with this guy - my bf was recently laid off and his "best friend" expects him to be with him intead of his family! He reads my bf's texts and is always kinda near his cell if possible.Wwell the other nite he read a text I sent to my bf, I didn't like that and we're not getting along very well rite now which I've always tolerated but lately I've been trying to be real nice and been getting along well. So now my bf's best friend always has a mouthy comment in the bakground (not really "playing" any more) to let me know that he's in "control!" A few nites ago wen we were getting along still he tells me "if I ask your bf to help me or come over whatever, I'll give him crap because I know that if I do he'll be here faster the next time - now my bf's always fast when he goes over after this guy calls him! He just takes advantage of my bf cause he knows he can! My bf tries to be a good friend (which is fine but lately it's starting to be too good! I think) my bf's sibling again sees this. I don't like this! This guy let his gf leave with the kids because he refused to quit drinking. Ya he sees them all the time and they both hope they'll get back together but he doesn't wanna chang at all. This guy is all about the guys - girls are just there, they're not that good but he likes there.Now it may be stupid or not but my bf spends too much time over there and I have noticed some of his best friends behaviour in my bf-which is completely not like him at all! So he said he'll try to watch this. It really bothers me to have my bf with him so much and it hurts me that my bf just thinks it's ridiculous how I feel. He's always cared how I feel and it seems that he's showing off for his friend when I call him which isn't like him either. His best friend is living the best of both worlds rite now in his relationship and I don't want my bf to think that could happn with us! I'm nervous of my bf spendng too much time with him and 7 out of 10 days (today the 10th day) is too much to be spending with this guy I think!?I want this guy to stay out of our relationship!!! but of course my bf has to let the guy act like he's playing and won't say anythng because he doesn't wanna look like a wuss in front of him either. my bf and I have decided to be transparent to each other and work on the trust... make our relationship stronger and better than ever. We were on a good path until my bf was laid off. I undrstand how he feels loosing his job but that doesn't mean he should act like he doesn't care how I feel and just go with what his best friend wants. I kinda feel like he has put his best friend in my spot and I'm 2nd now. His friend is very sensitve - likes to act like he's my bfs gf more than he acts like his gfs his gf. My bf says ask other guys how often they spend with their friends! I feel like he'll do whatever his best friend wants but rebels against me and I have a hard time to get him to go any other place unless it's his bfs. I wish he'd fade back in the background. Right now I wouldn't mind if his best friend wasn't around.My bf and I still love each other very much though we both made a stupid mistake. We both wish we could take it back! Any suggestions? I don't know what to do?
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at work, best friend, cheated on me, flirt, get back together, girl at work, swinging, text Reply to this Question
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reader, Ask JenniHearts  +, writes (25 March 2009):
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