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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together a long time. We live together and have two children. The problem is the spark sems to have gone from our relationship. We're both very busy and when we do find time together we argue about money his family or talk about the children. One of our children is only fourteen months old and very demanding so he takes a lot of my time up. Also I have no confidence in myself whatsoever, thanks partly to my present boyfriend cheating and lying in the past, and an ex who abused me so I can't ever start sex with him; I wait for him to do it which annoys him. How do I regain some confidence and save my relationship while it's worth saving?
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 You have had a rough ride with relationships and it seems to me that this bloke is not much better than the last one,but you have choosen to stay and to try and salvage your sex life so good on you.
Sounds to me like he does not make that much effort also so tell him you want some time where he looks after the kids, bathes and puts them to bed, cooks you a meal and then you let the seduction begin.
As you have been abused in the past you need to get help for this and this will enable you to move on, ask your GP for a refferal.
Read my "spice up your sex life" advice from friday, this will help in the bedroom department, but this spicing up has to be a two way thing.
You will not be able to improve your sex life until he helps with the kids and you get some you time to relax and as ive said sex is a two way thing, you both have to want to make the effort.
Think long and hard about if this is the real problem or is there more going on in this relationship that is not working other than sex.
If so take stock and look at why you want to save somehting that maybe making you very unhappy.
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