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female
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CandyCane
writes: Ive been with my b/f for just over a year. We love each other very much and do plan to get married in the near future. The problem is our sex life or maybe it's my problem? Well anyway I can get him aroused easy enough; i'ts just that he takes ages to cum and sometimes he don't cum at all. I feel very upset. I feel like I don't satisfy him enough and it makes me feel that I ain't pretty enough for him. He says when I mention this to him that I'm always going on about it like it's some problem, which I tell him it is, and he says it ain't a problem for him. He's always been like this.Why I don't understand I say, and he says I am going on about nothing. Whatever I say, he's got a answer for but it ain't satisfying me his answers. All I keep thinking is that there's something wrong with him... actually I'm thinking about this all the time.Is it natural? Is there something wrong with me or him or both? Another thing is that after he has cum his penis stays erect for ages....Is this right?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): Your answer
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): When my boyfrined became like that I found it to be that he was wanking himself alot and also screwing other women - normally he would only go for less than two minutes. Whenever I confronted him about it he too became agressive and very cagey about it - not to get you paranoid but if asking him about it makes him this way - then just maybe he's hiding something. Thats what I've found in men who react that way!! It could be simple and completely innocent or there could be more to the story than meets the eye. Just a thought!! Good Luck!!
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 I had a bloke once that just took forever to come and he did this deliberatly as he thought I wanted him to last and last, what he did not realise is that it had become boring waiting for him to come and I was just fed up, when he did come it was such a relief and boy did he make me sore.
sadly I was young and did not realise that he had trained himself to last out for ages and ages and ages, I was not experienced enough to be able to identify the problem and solve it, now I would talk dirty and tell him my fantacies, this coupled with anything kinky he liked would bring him to orgasm much faster than just lying there and wishing it was over.
Talking dirty and a bit of massaging of any exposed sexual area does the trick and if I choose I can get a man to come in my time not his.
Practice, read up on technique and practice talking dirty and in no time at all you will be in controle and problem will be solved.
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A
female
reader, CandyCane +, writes (6 March 2006):
CandyCane is verified as being by the original poster of the question The thing is i do give him oral sex but why should i do this every night for him to cum in me plus i really dont enjoy doing it. Spose i do it for his pleasure. I think martini is right maybe i have slacked down there i have got 3 kids from a previous marriage. I dont just lie there tho i do go on top and he also takes me from behind. We always make love in different possitions. Maybe i will have to give him up cos it will become a problem i know it will eventually. We cant even discus any of this cos he says it aint a problem and he says im obsessing about the situation. I feel so sad cos ever time i mention this he gets all arguementive and says that im making it a issue. Thank you for all whos tried to answer my question.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): He could be taking some kind of drug that you don't know about. I have had that experience and the person said the sex was great, but the drug numbs them and the can't ejaculate.
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A
male
reader, martini  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Ah, I felt the same way with an ex. The reason in my case however, was that she just didn't do anything. I'm going to get a bit graphic here...
Like when she looks at me in that sweet horny way, I get super turned on, but I dread penetrating her because first, she is not tight, and she doesn't 'know' how to squeeze her vaginal muscles together. Second, she just lies there biting and clawing me, which is fine and should be arousing, but she is so rigid - just lays there moaning. It becomes a turn off after awhile. Back then, it took me more than an hour to cum, and when I finally did, I was still unsatisfied, and more often than not, if I wasn't too tired, I would go masturbate with porn which satisfied me.
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A
female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Maybe you should try oral or manual stimulation and see if that helps him to get there. Some people (men and women!) require more stimulation than what actual intercourse can provide. It may be that he masturbates a lot and that makes it more difficult for him to get off with you. It probably is not anything at all to do with you and, honestly, I can see why it bothers you, but if it doesn't bother him, then maybe you should just let it go. I have a hard time getting there myself, regardless of who my lover is, but I don't mind as I enjoy the act itself very much and see an orgasm as "the icing on the cake" when it does happen. Also, it is much better for him to take too long than to be a "two pump chump"! :)
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A
female
reader, twinkle +, writes (6 March 2006):
 hi,
wow! hunni i dont know why your worried most women would love to have a man like that him taking ages is a good thing all it means is he has good self controll, so dont worry your not doing anything wrong. and about him staying erect for ages after thats nothing to worry about all men are different so its just the way his body works.
kay :D
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