A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a soon-to-be bride and my fiancé' and I have been together for a long time. I was never a jealous girl; however, once I got that ring the jealousy hit me. It didn't occur to me until my beau received a lap dance....it was a "celebration" lap dance….a gift from a friend. Because we have an honest relationship, he told me about it - because he knew or thought I wouldn't really care/it wouldn’t bother me. And, in all honesty, I didn't know I'd care myself. But as he talked about it, my heart melted and all I could think about was him looking at another girl the way he looks at me. I felt that if he wanted to have sex with me he’d be thinking of her – and she’s what turned him on, not me. In my mind a lap dance is unacceptable, but I feel like a mean, controlling fiancée. Am I? So I got over that situation and months went by. Well, it was time for his bachelor party - do I remind him I feel because I know a titty bar is the place to be for a bachelor? My answer to myself was YES. So, I did. I told him to have fun, but I'm not cool with the lap dances and there's no reason for strippers to be in the hotel room. He 150% respected my wishes - he's a great guy, but I feel terrible and I don't know how to get over the feeling. He says that I'm the only girl he loves and he wants to do what makes me happy, and he doesn't like to make me unhappy. And me and my feelings are more important to him than a lap dance. I believe him, but I wonder in the back of my mind if it is something he wants….does he need to “get away” and escape to “fantasy land” for some excitement? How do you know? I trust him, but I want to give him what he wants. Now, I want to take up some lap dancing lessons so I can give him what he wants before he gets bored with me and escapes to a strip club. He says that would be awesome, but will he be satisfied? Really? Let me know, because I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep my man looking and being touched by only me. I'm not against strip clubs, I just believe if it has to occur behind a curtain - it’s unacceptable if you're in an "exclusive" relationship. He knows how I feel, and after explaining myself to him, he understands. And I’m thankful for that. I understand its a man thing and its a fantasy land for some, but c'mon guys, where's the fantasy land for women??? You guys will never understand the way a female feels, but how can we overcome these feelings? Do we go get touched by a man (not a cheesy male stripper who’s probably not even into women), but by a hot guy who wants to rub on my hot spots and get me…..you know. I don’t think men would be as accepting to that idea. So, am I crazy – or just a bit insecure and don’t need to be. I trust my beau, but I don’t want him to be touched by anyone…. And the prices of lap dances!!! Do you know what I have to go through to get some money out of him :) Why is it so easy for the strippers? I know they don’t want him – they’re just making money, but he’s my man and I’m standing up for what I truly believe. I don’t mean to go on and on – please tell me how to forget the first and only lap dance ever happened and realize that he is truly in love with just me and he’s not unhappy with the things I give/do for him. P.S. a while ago he suggested I get a lap dance. For what? I’ll admit I’d be turned on by a stripper as well, I’m sure. But, I don’t think I can watch another girl touch him – I don’t want it to happen. Should thins be considered by me? Will this make me feel worse about myself? I’m confused – obviously!
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acne, insecure, jealous, lapdance, money, stripper Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Daveeeeeee  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 Wow ..What a detailed question!
I really do think you are putting too much thought into it , lap dancing is sensational ..if done well , and its extremely sensual , exotic and VERY exciting , and YES guys love it . Pretty much all guys , although some are too shy to attend .
I used to run a team of stripper , let me tell you one thing , the women are way worse than men , they pay virtually no attention to the rules , and get drunk far more easily ..when the strippers come the girls go crazy .
What I would suggest assuming your in shape yourself , that you take up dancing for a few months , Ive seen many start with the " Girl next door " look , do really well and love it . Many find it a turn on ( 80% of the time )
Need to make sure your body is really top shape . The idea of you just dancing for him is NOT a good one , the great thing about lap dancing is the Teasee , then tease more and more . To have the guy completely aroused with a gaint errection , and nothing he can do with it ..Far better as a annonomous , sensual , exoctic ..Wonderful moment .
It is what it is ..and guys will always be looking at other women ..this is a nice way of doing it ..hes NOT calling a hooker .
Go and visit a club ... see for yourself , dont go with him .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Reply: his recommendation was me getting a lap dance from a female - so he can watch. I also think he wants me to see that its nothing to really get all upset about - but it may make me more upset? I mean, if I see a stripper gyrating in his face I may never get that picture out of my head! I do need to calm down & get over it and I will…..just needed a little advice. I just don't want him to be turned on and touched by another chic. Weird feelings I'll get over I'm sure, but just confused whether or not I should do what he wants and see things from his perspective or stand up for what I believe in or what I think is acceptable in a relationship. Thank you both for your comments - just wondering if I'm the only person who feels this way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Did he offer a lap dance from a woman or man? I hope a man, because getting a lap dance from a woman will only infuriate you more when you picture her doing this to your boyfriend. A male stripper however, would possibly make you feel 'even' and allow you to see this encounter for what it really is......yes they look good, but who wants them?
These are feeling that are very hard to deal with. I can assure you that your boyfriend doesn't think about this dancer as much as you do........he LOVES YOU. I think men objectify these women and they are put in this catagory in their mind of women that are not relationship material, they are just objects that will do what they want for money. It gives them a sense of power over women, it is easier than dealing with a real woman with real feelings.
If he agrees not to do this, he is a good man. Many men will refuse to quit, or they will do it behind women's backs. Give him a break and love him for being honest and forthcoming....if you continue to be angry he will think twice about being so honest again. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): He only had one lap dance, why are you so worried? Sorry but it's a very long stretch to say most men want lap dances in relationships. I personally wouldn't put up with it in a relationship and I don't feel guilty or pressured, I think your taking things way over the top and need to calm down.
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