A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for the last few months, we've had sex and he was a virgin. I have a history of sexual abuse which I have told him about and told him sometimes I need a bit of space around sex or I feel pushed and suffocated. He said he understood, every time he's stayed over though and I've said no to sex(two of those times was because I was having my period) he persists on touching me still which I'm not liking. If I'm not in the mood, or if I'm studying, or on period I don't want someone trying to stick their hand down my knickers. I tell him no and he stops for a few minutes then his hands are wandering again. If he sleeps over he'll give me a million kisses on my shoulder for ages. Its annoying. Hes very clingy, tells me to kiss him or asks for a kiss. If he was less clingy and pulled back a bit id be more inclined to be affectionate. But hes right in my face constantly. Then he's trying for sex and I've even woken up to him having a feel of boobs etc.I worry I've not been clear enough but swear I've told him that when it's a no to sex its a no to all the millions of kisses and hands everywhere. I don't feel he's respecting my boundaries, he'll apologise if I ask him to stop but starts up again a bit later. Is this normal? Do guys need to be told exactly? I think I need to stop seeing this guy coz I don't need to experience anymore abuse and surely it's not hard to control hornyness? If I can control myself surely he can?! Does anyone else experience this with their partners?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2023): Thanks for your reply guys, yeah I definitely need to end things. He's coming round shortly so will end things. I think I was hesitant coz other than what I've mentioned he's lovely..too lovely! Like we'll be sitting on sofa and I might make an oo noice at the TV and he almost goes in to panic mode making sure I'm OK.. like I'm on my deathbed or something! Even that annoys me! In hindsight I wish I'd stayed away, I was a bit concerned about the age gap..10 years younger than me! He is mature but not in all the ways I need.
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (29 November 2023):
 No this is not normal, and he should respect your boundries and learn that No means No.
Your decision to stop seeing him is a wise choice, you need someone who will show you respect and not keep invading your space when you have said no.
Finish things with him and move on with your life and find someone who shows you the respect that you deserve.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (29 November 2023):
 Is this normal? Do guys need to be told exactly?
No, it's perhaps "normal" for a "rookie" but what ISN'T "normal" is his total disregard for your boundaries.
NO is a complete sentence. And no means no. Not, "try harder" or "ignore her wishes".
Personally? I think you should end it and walk away.
Since you have told him SEVERAL times that THIS is my boundary and he KEEP ignoring them, means he doesn't CARE about your feelings only about getting his "dick wet" and "cup a feel".
" If I can control myself surely he can?!"
Of course, he can, he just doesn't WANT to.
You are in your 30's! And I'm guessing he is too? So while he WAS a virgin with little to no "woman/relationship" experience he isn't taking in the part where YOU are VERY much allowed to say no or not today.
He isn't going to change.
Find someone who can RESPECT you and your boundaries. He isn't it.
I have a childhood friend who was raped at age 15. At 18, Her first serious BF would try and have sex with her when she was sleeping and couldn't understand that she would freak out and cry. I mean, really? We were all so glad when she dumped him.
YOU deserve someone who will not victimize you. This guy doesn't understand a simple NO.
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