A
female
age
36-40,
*ruthplease
writes:I am in my last year of my 20s and I have not met "the one" yet also I am still in the process of finishing my masters degree. Sometimes I feel like I did not get all the stuff I wanted to get done by the time I turned 30. When I was a teenager I thought at 30 I would have a stable life a husband and an amazing career. But I am no where near that yet. Still have to finish my masters build my career, meet mr. right, and then if it's not too late have kids. Is feeling like I am running out of time normal? Or am I over reacting to my biological clock ticking? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, missy_25 +, writes (11 November 2014):
How bout this...40 is the new 30! ;) If God has planned for you to have kids, they will come. I am a by-product of the societal pressure being raised in the conservative outlook and because of that I have made decisions that I have regretted. Don't feel like rushing through your goals but work steadily towards it. I have met the one I want to be with during my mid-30s so if I was able to then you should be too. Just be available and ready to be in a healthy relationship in the meantime. It'll happen if that is what is meant for you or what you want. There's nothing wrong with being single for the rest of your life. You have more control & independence on what you can and still want to accomplish. It's about loving yourself and sharing that love and joy with the people around you, whether it's with that special someone or to someone who is in need. You can find joy in any situation, no matter what age. And if you have that joy and confidence, people will normally gravitate towards you the least you expected.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 November 2014):
Hun, you need to see this for what it is: societal pressure. And society has an unhealthy obsession with youth. Look at what the popular channels, books and TV-shows are geared towards: teenagers. Society treats the most physically turbulent time of your life as THE time when everything happens. That's why the pinnacle of beauty seems to be the unmarked, smooth face and waify body of a 17 year-old.
That's why there's all this pressure to be a certain way and to accomplish certain things before a certain age. After all, society's motto seems to be: only the young live; the elderly just exist. And society has decided that once you reach 30, you're no longer young. If society was a person, I'd tell them to get therapy. A lot of it.
It's not strange you're feeling this way, because you've been spoonfed this crap since you were born along with the rest of us. But if you give it some proper scrutiny, you'll realize how ridiculous it is.
The truth is that everyone does things at their own pace. Letting people do that and not judging them for taking however much time they need will make one a kinder person and a happier one too, if you also allow yourself the freedom to choose your own speed. Being part of the herd for the sake of being part of it never helped anybody achieve happiness or greatness. In fact, most people that are actually worth looking up to are because they did not adhere to the standards of society. They did their own thing.
To quote Benjamin Button: It's never too late to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. You can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (10 November 2014):
 First of all - DONT STRESS about being 30! :)
I did, spent months getting more and more stressed out, paranoid, depressed and ultimately miserable because I felt my life was over, and somehow I had failed. Single, no kids, not progressed as much with my career as I would have liked.
I counted down the days, dreading when that horrific 30th birthday would arrive. My birthday was a mixed bunch of feelings.
But do you know what - now I am 31, I don't care! I am still young, I still have time, but more importantly I feel that I have more knowledge about what *I* want now.
My friend was just the same. The week before her 30th she was in tears every single day.
You are just building this mythical 30th deadline up to be more important than it really is.
Look toward the future, you never know what is right around the corner!
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A
female
reader, mysterygirlblue +, writes (10 November 2014):
Have you tried online dating?
See if your friends/family knows anyone who is single
Join clubs/teams go to various events
Put yourself out there, be confident talk to people
Maybe even join a church if that's your thing churches love to pretend they are a dating service
Look to your single friends stuck in the friendzone don't overlook these they definitely stick around for a reason
try to find people on facebook old high school friends
if you are very very desperate try craigslist (my cousin had success with craigslist)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2014): You need to pick and choose. Brilliant career doesn't go very well with raising children.
Brilliant career requires lots of time, and raising children requires a lot of time. Women with brilliant career let others raise their children, like nannies and babysitters.,even when they are physically home they have no energy left for children.
You had a very good answer here: pick a moderate career if you want to have a family.
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A
male
reader, Jay R +, writes (7 November 2014):
Time is not against you, remember woman can have kids even when they are in their 40s, the next 15 years you could have everything you want, what you will get will depend pretty much on your decisions so make decisions that you will not regret too much later on. I would advise not to chase the career too much . Get a reasonable job that can allow to have family as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2014): It's funny you feel that way because when I was 30 I was having my 2nd child, and thinking what have I done with my life too? You see it's all about perspective. We always want what we don't have. I sometimes wish I had waited for marriage and children so that I could travel and really nail down my sense of individuality before building a family. Instead, I chose to marry young, which even 10 years ago was rare to do. I think you just have to follow what your heart desires but also appreciate where you are today in your life because there is reason for that. There is a much bigger picture and there is a good reason why you haven't had children until now, which by the way, is still young. I put off having my 2nd child until I was 30. People told me I shouldn't have waited 6 years to have a second child. Honestly it's all about what makes you comfortable. Don't get sucked into societal pressures because it's all a load of bologni. Be happy, and feel fulfilled with what life has given you so far, and when the time is right, marriage and children will roll into your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): you are not alone. This world changed significantly over the last few decades. People marry much later in life and more and more decide not to have children at all.
At your age women and men feel that its time for family, especially women. Years of wild youth is behind and of no interest anymore, and with women, yes,biological clock begins ticking.
while you still can have kids for another 10 years atleast, the danger of you liking your single life is there. I know plenty of women who never got to a point of a having a family. But you know what they say: if you want to make God laugh, make plans.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (6 November 2014):
Dear OP,
Yes, you are totally overreacting. I'm 31 and I felt exactly the same before my 30th birthday. I didn't even celebrate my b-day that year, just ignored it. I felt like I had arrived nowhere and that all the things I thought would have happened until then, well, they just didn't.
When my mum was 30, she had a husband and lived in a house, had kids, a car.. and I don't even have a drivers license and live in a single room apartment with no kids. Times just have massively changed. The economy has slowed down, so it's harder to make a career, education takes much longer. Women are financially more independent but also have less time to be housewives, so both sexes see less need to marry and start a family soon, because they want to have stable jobs or live their dreams.
My advice would be not to freak out and yes, as the other OP said, count your blessings. We have opportunities that other people don't have. Freedom of taking our time to chose and to educate ourselves, to travel and to do stuff before starting to be all serious and responsible. Because once you've chosen a man, a carreer path, once you've got a child.. there are so many responsibilities and less time to take care of yourself.
If you have a rigid idea of what happiness and success is, you might miss out on what really makes you happy and proud. So, don't fall for the idea that you can't be happy unless you've got Mr.Right and a certain career path. Because keeping a marriage alive, dealing with the problems that arise in a job, that's not just happiness... that's hard work. You need goals, okay, but you shouldn't feel miserable while working towards them. Life is here and now. So don't wait for a miracle to happen. Do little things that are meaningful to you and make you happy, every day. Those skills will help you to have a good marriage with that Mr. Right, when you meet him, and also to stay healthy once you've finally gotten into the job you wanted.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 November 2014):
 Remember when Abby Hoffman said, "never trust anyone over 30 (y.o.)..." (Maybe your parents remember...) He was a rebellious teenager at the time (the "60's)... and 30 sounded 'way off in the future, to him....
Good news...... "30" is not the end of your life.... your fertile life... or anything like that.... You're YOUNG.... and will be ("young") for a couple more decades... so you have LOTS OF TIME to pursue the life details that you seem to crave. Don't spend a lot of time ruminating on your life. Instead.... LIVE IT!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): count your blessings- good health being the most important of all!!! It is good to have ambition and goals in life but please don't make the same mistake as me and spend too much time worrying about it!All I ever wanted was to get on in my life and get a good job.After I finished uni, I worked a million different jobs (voluntary and paid)in the recession. Anything i could get, after failing so many interviews and then failing medical tests for a job I really wanted (due to high blood pressure!), I had a nervous breakdown and suffered health problems purely from my own pressure of stressing that I had not acheived 'the things I was supposed to'. I had become so obsessed with getting a good job that it literally drove me nuts. It took me 2 years to get back to normal and my priorities are a little different now.I will be 27 in a month and and work part time and live with my mum still. I have a boyfriend but theres no way I am ready for kids I cannot pay for with him and I certainly wont be able to afford living with him anytime soon. IThe most important thing for me now is to live each day and enjoy it and not worry so much about the future that it ruins my present!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 November 2014):
 You have around 10 more years before the clock starts to really wind down.
And it's not really strange that we come to a place in out life and say, this is not quite what I expected myself to be at.
But instead of thinking something is wrong, ADJUST your fantasies and dreams to reality.
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