A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Simple question how can i tell if a guy is interested and want to get to know me or just wants to hit and run i understand that i have a hard time letting other people in because of a previous relationship which has caused me to put up a wall but the does mean i dont want love and affection i just dont want to get hurt how can i prevent that? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 November 2014):
 Unfortuately, there is "risk" in much of what we do in life. After all, you could be struck by lightning, OR, you could win a Lottery... this afternoon!
What we all need to consider is the RELATIVE risk versus the RELATIVE reward for and of what we do....
Your past romantic experience has exposed you to one of the downsides of "romances".... So you are, mentally (and emotionally) "on alert" for unpleasantness. The BALANCE that you have to strike is your desire for a great relationship (many of us have them), versus the chance that you will paralyze your pursuit of that desire...
There's lots of nice guys "out there".... search for your's ... and be open to "him"... but not standoffish or cold, as you search....
Good luck.... (P.S. You'll find him!!!)
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (6 November 2014):
Everyone would want to prevent getting hurt. Unfortunately, to break down your walls and let some-one in, you’ve got to take the risk that they might hurt you. You can’t prevent uncertainty in life, or guarantee people are what you think they are at first glance, or what the future will hold. You need to learn to be more comfortable with the risk. To put it simply, the longer you spend getting to know some-one, the more likely it will show if they are not sincere. Be clear that you want to take things slowly, be open about the fact that you want to spend time getting to know some-one and not get serious too quickly, and if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, take some time to reflect on whether the person has actually done anything to give you cause for concern, or whether you are making assumptions about him based on what your ex might have done.
The truth is that there are no guarantees, and there is no way to eradicate the risk of getting hurt unless you remain single. If that’s not what you want, however, you need the simple ingredients of time and focus on finding out about each other before getting overly serious and emotionally invested, to minimise your chances of being hurt again. Remember to judge everyone as an individual, and ask yourself whether you find yourself comparing the next man to those that hurt you in the past. Watch out for it and it will get easier to spot. Good luck.
I wish you all the very best.
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