A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I met this girl, we hit it off And started seeing eachother. One of the things we talked about was how her last boyfriend was very controling, wouldn't let her have male friends, go out to the bar with her girlfriends And so forth. Well I don't consider myself a jelous person And didn't have a problem with letting her be herself. So here is my situation, the other night she came over to spend some time with me And watch a movie..we turned the lights down watched a movie while holding eachother And the entire time she was constantly texting some male friend of hers from SC. I honestly felt a little irker by this, but actualy I'm not realy sure how I should feel..I don't wanna seem jelous or controling..and I'm not talking about casual texting...the phone never left her hand And she was writing a mini novel.....what do u guys think? Is this exceptable behavior?
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female
reader, Fate100percent  +, writes (6 September 2011):
Well it seemed you just weren't right for each other in the end :-/ Maybe one day she will be with someone who texts others constantly when they are with her, and ignore her, and it will make her think... ;-) x
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (5 September 2011):
 i think you did the right thing in ending this, she would be a fine girlfriend to have if you were the same way - trawling bars with all your guy friends who constantly try to set you up, every weekend and going out LATE. she and her mates behave like adolescents, you would be better with someone more mature. from your further post, i am SURE that it was HER behaviour that caused the problems with her last boyfriend, he wasn't irrationally jealous and controlling - he had good reason for his concerns!x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, first of all..thanks for all your answers..they helped me get a perspective on the situation. I tried to talk to her about it, but she refused to see that there was anything wrong with what she was doing, matter of fact she actualy turned it around on me. I didnt see that we were compatible and seeing as our conversation kept going more and more down hill I ended it. Its really too bad, I really liked her, but we were unable to work it out. Thanks all.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (5 September 2011):
No I don't think this is acceptable at all!!Tbh, even if she was texting her girl friends it is just plain RUDE!I have been in similar situations and in the end i said just text them saying you are having a night in with your girlfriend and you'll text them tomorrow! (Or text if they are texting you before you see me to say, right, I'm going to my girlfriends now, I'll text you tomorrow)It's is nothing to do with jealousy, it's just bad manners to do that when you are with someone (just my opinion!) x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, those are some good thoughts on the situation, I agree. We are actually boyfriend girlfriend at this time and were when the situation occured. The relationship is new and I do trust her but red flags keep popping up, the texting, her girl friends are bar hounds and constantly trying to set her up other guys, every Friday and Saturday night she always ends up meeting her girlfriends at the bar even if its 1am in the morning and she is just leaving my house...says she is the DD driver..but then she will make a comment like 'didnt get to bed last night till 6am in the morning' lol says its because she was thinking about me! I don't wanna her paranoid or distrusting...but I don't wanna her ignorant and blind at the same time.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (5 September 2011):
there is no way this is acceptable. maybe this is why the last boyfriend was so 'controlling' and 'didn't like her having male friends'. you only have your girlfriends version of the state of that relationship. i am sure if you asked HIM about it he would have a different story to tell!anyone that does this is devoid of manners and common courtesy i think. she was supposed to be having some quiet time with you to watch a film, her replies to him could've WAITED til a more convenient time. i bet the same woman whould have a b*tch fit if you did the same with a female friend of yoursx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): I agree with everything YouWish said. Not only was her behaviour extremely rude, it was also very immature. It's bad enough when teenagers do it, but a grown woman in her thirties??
Don't ask this one out again. If she calls you and asks if you've lost interest, be honest.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 September 2011):
 No it's not : that's unbelievably rude ! Jealousy or control have got nothing to do with it, it's simply a matter of good manners and respect. If she's like that, fasten your seat belt, you are in for a bumpy ride....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): I don't think it's the fact that she was texting a guy that is the real problem, afterall, she is allowed to have a male friend. The real problem is her rudeness!
you guys had clearly planned to have a nice evening together, she shouldn't have been texting anyone.
I'm not sure if you want to say anything about it at this stage, but if it happens again you could say something like 'are you here to spend time with me or are you just going to text?' and make a point of it. There is nothing worse than being ignored on a date or out with friends because someone can't leave their phone alone for an hour.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 September 2011):
 First, don't ever feel you have to "compensate" for her past boyfriends. How they were has nothing to do with who you are.
Second, whether it's a guy friend or a girlfriend, it's rude for her to constantly be texting while she's spending time with you. Trust me, if you two were out for dinner, and you couldn't put your own phone down during the whole dinner, she would go ballistic.
Third, I think in this case, the gender of her friend isn't relevant here. Her courtesy and interest in you is what matters. Some male friend in SC isn't a problem unless she's flirting with him (and he with her).
I would explain to her how her ignoring you and constantly texting while you two were spending time together hurt you. No one should abuse the "you're controlling" card when their significant other voices displeasure at behavior. No one would like to be ignored during a date.
Don't ask her out again. Tell her that if she truly wants to spend time with you, it's with you alone, especially in your house.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): Well one things for sure- this woman has no manners whatsoever! What she did was rude and ignorant. Push the txting aside for a moment, she came over to spend time with you and her attention should have been on you. Instead she spent the whole time gabbing away to a friend of hers- she may aswell been with him in person because her mind certianly wasn't with you otherwise she'd have kindly told this male friend of hers that she is with her boyfriend watching a movie, talk tommorow!The thing that gets me is txt messages are meant for lifes little emergencies, I believe txts/calls should be for little one liners such as '8 o clock thursday at the cafe?' Rather than these long essays you describe. If she has such important information and so much of it too share then she should have arranged a time to meet up with him for a coffee, not ruin the quality time arranged with you. Its sheer principle.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (4 September 2011):
Heck no, i would felt disrespected enough to turn on the lights, walk to the and opened it, as i gustered her texting self out. No words need after her rude behavior. When someone is jealous its usually the person their with that makes them that way.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (4 September 2011):
 I think you have a right to be a little irritated. She came over to spend time with you, not text her friend. If she planned to do that, then she shouldn't have come over. I think talking to her about this wouldn't make you seem controlling. You're being honest and you deserve her full attention while she's on dates with you. So talk to her about it and if she feels that you're controlling her, then maybe you shouldn't be with her. It's not like her friend will throw a tantrum if she doesn't text them for a few hours.
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