A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am struggling with a long distance relationship. I adore the guy I am in a relationship with but as a single mother, divorced I feel I miss the contact and emotional closeness when we are apart. We have been together a year and I do most of the calling by telephone, he does not! Yet he asks me to call him and maintain the contact.He is coming to see me over 500 miles to be with me before Christmas for a few days, though I am knowing it will be tough when he leaves again. Any advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (24 October 2012):
 I am not proud of this, but I am probably an expert in LDR relationships. I have been in several of them, the longest one being now, its went on for over 10 years. I'm not happy about it, but he is a very special man and our circumstances are quite different than most LDR.
We can call each other any time, its never just left up to one person to call. Our normal pattern goes something like this: I call him in the morning to wake him up. He calls me on his way to work. He calls me at lunch. He calls me on an afternoon break. He calls me on the way home. He contacts me on skype and we talk for at least an hour, sometimes 2 or 3 hours. On the weekends, we talk more and talk using video skype. I will be honest, the majority of the time...he calls me. Its because he is a surgeon and his time is much more constructed than mine. I know that I can call him anytime I want to, he just may not be able to answer right away, but he always calls me back.
Honestly, I feel really badly for you, and your relationship is very one sided. That's not going to work in any relationship, but especially not in a LDR one. Cant you set up some sort of schedule? Where you could talk the same time or approximate every day? Sometimes my guy and I only speak about 2-3 minutes because of time constraints..but we do ALWAYS keep in touch.
As you know, LDR are so very difficult! It is imparative that you try to be close and stay in touch with one another's lives. Otherwise, what is the point of being in a relationship??
And of course, you need to make time to see each other. I think you really need to talk to your guy and tell him that you need to set aside times for each other every day or every other day, and that he needs to particpate. Even after all this time, I still am thrilled every time my guy calls. It gives me something to look forward to every day, knowing I will talk to him. And he calls me unexpectedly too, which I really love. It takes two to make a relationship work!
And of course, you need to know where the two of you are headed! How long do you expect to be in a relationship LD We have been engaged for over 3 years, so to me that is a committment that we are planning to be together all of our lives. You need to see if the two of you are on the same page? For us, its very complicated because he is not a US citizen, is trying to get his green card, and he has invested too much time into his career to just move where I am, although that is what he really wants. But for most people, one person can give in and move if they REALLY want to be together! I know some of this might sound kind of pushy, but you need to know where you stand.
I wish you all the best, I definitely know how hard a LDR is. And yes, it is heart breaking to get to spend time with them and then you have to be apart again. Sadly, I don't have much advise for this part other than to just try to make as many happy memories as you can when together (Take pictures, video tape)..and make a committment before you or he leave of when you will see each other again.
I hope it works out for you. A LDR can work..if both people are committed, honest, faithful and willing to try. They aren't the easiest relationship to maintain..but they can work.
A
female
reader, malvern + ♥, writes (24 October 2012):
 You need to discuss your feelings with your partner and come to some sort of compromise. If you have to do all the chasing then is he really worth bothering about? If a man really wants you he will keep in contact come hell or high water. It seems to me that perhaps you are pinning all your hopes on this man. You may find a more fulfilling relationship with somebody closer to home. Sorry, perhaps the answer you don't want to read, but try to imagine what you would say to a friend of yours if they had this problem. I think you are in a relationship that's 'going nowhere' and although it will be hurtful you are probrably best to end it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): I think that is great advice . i cannot move to him because my children are settled in School , his daughter is grown up in her twenties . I need to allow the relationship to be more balanced ...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 October 2012):
 you feel like you are rowing the relationship boat without him.
He's too lazy to initiate the contact. what happens if you don't call him? when my husband and I first met two years ago we were LDR for the first year of the relationship... in the beginning I did most of the contacting... then it got more balanced... he called, I called... I emailed... he emailed...
we set up a plan where I called him to wake him in the morning at his request and at bedtime when I got into bed for my goodnight call.... other than that he contacted me.
there were times we had only those two calls every day...
other days we had 6-8 hours of calls or skype.. and some days he called me every hour...
how often do you see each other?
what are the plans for closing the distance?
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