A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi!I was recently talking to a group of my friends (mixed group-guys and gals) and I dropped into conversation that I had a boyfriend-just for the record I don't- but I just wanted to see their reaction but it wasn't what I expected... All my girlfriends were really supportive giving me the "we are really happy for you-give us all the goss later eyes" and my guy friends looked incredibly surprised some even going as far to say "What!?! Really? I can't imagine you with a boyfriend". Their reactions hurt me the most, but what I really want to know is...What do guys mean when they give this sort of reaction?Thank you for your help! x Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Good luck with your friends! One good rule of thumb is to not set little social traps for them, especially guys. Guys are not encouraged to be sensitive, touchy-feely types. They generally are honest if they are good guys, and will tell you their truth if you ask properly.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 January 2012):
 1. Don't lie to "test" out your friends. They are going to end up not trusting you at all.
2. Don't over analyze everything other people do, it's going to drive you nuts. Next time you get a different answer then you expected, ASK what they mean.( and look a #1 again, don't lie)
3. I think Tisha is right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much. I was a little dishonest and in retrospect, having read your answers, I over reacted, so thank you all for stopping me from over analyzing things!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Me too.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Agree with Tisha.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 January 2012):
I guess what I am trying to say is that guys don't really have a subtext. "Wow, that dress makes you look great!" means "That dress makes you look great!"
When a girl asks a guy, "what are you thinking about?" and he answers, "nothing," I have it on good authority from a guy I trust with my life that they are thinking of.... nothing. Their mind is blank. Shocking. I know.
I think girls' minds go a mile a minute, reading, assessing, analyzing and thoroughly enjoying the process of decoding social cues. Guys' minds, not so much. They compartmentalize. Sex. Sport. Work. School. Xbox. They do not spend endless hours analyzing what their girlfriend meant when she said he looked "adorable." They just don't see the beauty in minute analysis of every word uttered by their object of adoration. It's so so sad.
Sorry, I'm exaggerating to make a point. Guys process social information differently. My guess is your friends aren't trying to be mean or nasty. They were just honestly surprised and frankly honest. It doesn't mean they are bad friends or somehow wrong, okay?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 January 2012):
Guys aren't wired to be all supportive and gushy when one of their friends announces he's got a girlfriend, especially at your age. They will tend to find a way to mock him and pick at him with good-natured humor.
My guess is that the guys said what they said because they hadn't considered you as having a boyfriend. Especially as you don't actually have one, had never mentioned one, and had given them no time to consider the 'tactful' response. They were honest, while you were being a bit dishonest, really, weren't you? You were trying to trick them into revealing their lack of social graces, or what?
You wanted to see their reactions, so they gave you their reactions. Those may not have been what you wanted but they were honest and open. They no doubt said exactly what they were thinking. "Hey, I never thought of you as having a boyfriend" doesn't mean "you're an awful person and no one would ever want to be with you," does it? They didn't mean you don't deserve a boyfriend. They didn't mean you are undateable. They just hadn't considered the possibility that you might actually date.
Is there some reason you set them up to hurt you?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Well you say they are your friends, so for you to come out with something like this off course is going to be really shocking to them and they are going to find it hard to believe because you have never mentioned it before to them, at the end of the day friends are meant to talk. I guess when this guy said he couldn't imagine you with a boyfriend well then he meant what he said. It is just never something that crossed his mind. He sees you as you and never imagined you as part of a couple, don't take it personal. These guys look at you as a friend not girlfriend material there is nothing wrong with that because at the end of the day friendship is a great thing to have. So do not take it personal and in future do not lie to your friends either.
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