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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I'm married, but not happily. A few months ago I met a woman at a large gathering of mutual friends and we ended up spending the night together. She had been in a long relationship that had ended recently. She wasn't dumped, per se, but she didn't want the relationship to end and still had feelings for him. Nevertheless, a night of alcohol and mutual attraction brought us together.Following that night we seemed to get along well with some phone chats, emails, texts, etc. We were talking quite frequently and openly and both admitted we were attracted to each other. I suggested we get together again and she rejected that idea, noting my marriage and the recency of her previous relationship as obstacles.Eventually she told me that she couldn't continue on, primarily because she was still hung up on her previous relationship, but also because I was married. I told her I completely understood and, although I was a bit hurt, I knew there was nothing I could do but let it go. So, I quit bothering her and just sent an occasional text or email with something random or funny. In essence, it appeared we were going to remain good friends.Then, a few months later, she suddenly seemed more interested again. At her suggestion, we planned and took a trip and had a great time. Of course, I'm now preoccupied with her all day long again. I want to keep things going, but don't want to get too aggressive and run her off again. Also, I could be completely getting played for all I know. The signs I see, however, are that she's interested and her attraction to me is outweighing the obstacles we've recognized (she is texting, sending me pictures of things in her life, talking about the "next time we get together", telling me she's thinking about me all day, and so forth).So my problem is that I'm afraid I'll be let down again if I let myself get too into her again. On the other hand, all the signals seem to be that she's open to that and is in to me. Should I just come out and ask her what she's thinking? Should I play it cool and just see where things go? Should I keep my guard up or let it down?Your thoughts will be appreciated. Yes, I know I'm married and shouldn't be seeing someone anyway, but that's a completely different thread and a long, complicated story that really has no bearing on this post other than for background context. Please, please, don't judge me or hammer me on that issue, I'm well aware of it. Please just help me with this relationship I'm trying to cultivate.
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female
reader, sadandprego  +, writes (21 September 2010):
I know you've asked that we not harp on you about being married but I don't know how to advise you without addressing it as an issue with any new relationship you may be interested in be it with this woman or any other that you may find yourself interested in. If you were a single man I would say give her a chance but you're not. I don't know what your marriage is like but I feel if you are unhappy enough to look elsewhere then you need to end it. Not only for the sake of your wife but so that any woman you are interested in can take a relationship with you seriously. If I were her no matter how much I wanted a relationship with you I would wonder how interested you could really be in our relationship if you continued to be married to someone else. Obviously I'm advising without all of the facts since I don't know the specifics of your marriage but with the little info you have provided I have to say until you are free to give yourself to her completely then you can't expect her to consider this anything more than a casual relationship or as some would call it "friends with benifits".
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Lots of big words and covoluted logic to be a simple; "Should I mess around on my wife because she doesn't really understand me the way this totl stranger does. A really short answer is: Nope, you should be ashamed of your silly self!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 September 2010):
 You really should shit or get of the pot, dude.
If you want to be with this new women, divorce your wife. You wrote so flippant about you feeling sorry for yourself that you can not have your cake and eat it.
I have no other advice for you, I don't condone cheating, it's for losers and liars.
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