A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I haven't been in love with my girlfriend for a long time. We have just had our 6th anniversary, we have 2 kids, 5 and 4 years old. We were friends for many years before we got together. We are not married but have lived together and shared everything as if married for most of our relationship.But now I don't feel anything any more. We have nothing in common - no shared hobbys or interests. We don't want the same things for the future. I guess we are the old cliche of "staying together for the kids....".I day dream about a different life. Nothing fancy, just simpler and with more time to do nothing, with maybe some one that wants to do the same.My eldest son is having a difficult time at school, and my youngest is very socially shy. I fear that a disturbance might escalate these problems.My girlfriend, although agrees that we have barriers and big diffences, loves me still and would not want to split up.where do I go from here?
View related questions:
anniversary, shy, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lauren.. +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Heya
my parents felt the same way as you did, and I was around 3 or 4 when it happened. And you know what? I am happy that it happened when i was too young to remember it fully, because if i has been older, it might have been worse.
If you are not happy in the relationship, dont stay because your unhappiness is only going to translate onto the rest of the family and it could end up worse that it already is. If you are not happy with your partner, and you stay so long that its just too late to leave, and you start to argue all of the time, imagine how much more of an effect this will have on your children?
I say this from an outside perspective, assuming that you really are unhappy in your relationship. I'd recommend talking to your girlfriend about it and see how she feels? you might find a solution within the relationship and it could even get better? If not, going your seperate ways may be the better option because Im not sure that your girlfriend would want to be with someone who didnt love her?
Good Luck
A
female
reader, 1cre8ivgrl  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 I know what you mean, my parents stayed together for me and my sister until they realized that it would be better for both of them to break up. Believe me, I was young but I noticed the discomfort. It doesn't help the children, in fact it does just the opposite. Try counseling-that's what my parents did. It might not have worked for them but you still have a chance. But this is your life. do what YOU need to do to be happy; YOUR happiness comes first!
...............................
A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (12 May 2009):
 This is an awful situation but if you don't love her anymore then there's nothing to work at. I've been here myself and unhappy parents makes for unhappy children. You may even find that your kids problems improve over time when they see that both their parents are happier. I know that nobody wants to split up when there are children involved but sometimes we have to think about what we want as people, not just what we want as parents.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Well, at least one of you wants to make a go of it, which is a good place to start. It all depends on what the atmosphere is like at home as to whether the kids would benefit from the two of you going your separate ways. If you and your partner are at each other's throats every day it won't be doing the kids any good at all. If it's an otherwise happy home and you separated from your partner, I dare say the kids might be traumatised to some extent at first, but they'd get over it in time.
Life with another person, married or not, is a compromise. You say you have no common interests, but could you not find something that you'd both enjoy doing together? A new hobby or two perhaps? There's a multitude of things you could do if you really think seriously about it and put your mind to it.
Doing 'nothing' would be very boring for me after a while. Life is what you make it, and it would be such a waste of opportunity to simply do nothing with it. Everyone is capable of making some contribution to society in one way or another, and to enjoy the satisfaction of doing something useful.
Basically, if the kids would benefit from you staying the course with your partner, I think you ought to give the relationship your best shot, but if they're suffering it might be best to call it a day. It's a fact that kids brought up in a happy stable home, with both parents present, do rather better in life - at school, professionally and personally - than those from a broken home. I think you owe it to the kids to try to stay together, but not if everyone is made miserable by doing so.
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (11 May 2009):
 Uh have you tried relationship counseling? That would be a start if you are "staying for the kids".
Other than that, its kind of a cop out don't you think. Just because you "don't have that feeling anymore".
If you are in it for the kids, don't you want to be able to tell your children HONESTLY that you exhausted every resource you could in trying to make it work with their mother?
If your children are having problems, then just staying without an effort to nake it work is as hurtful because unless you actually work on it instead of just going through the motions, they sense that kind of stuff.
I think you need to man up instead of feeling so sorry for yourself. Take the bull by the horns, and save your relationship.
Take it for what it is, but you asked...
...............................
|
