A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a range of niggling issues with my boyfriend who Ive been seeing for 6 months. On the whole he is kind and loving but I have noticed that when we go out for a meal, the cinema or somewhere else I end up paying... he never offers or reaches to get his wallet We go out every fortnight and so far he has only paid for one meal. I know he does not earn much but I have been unemployed for a while and had to dip into some savings to survive. He also barely thanks me, not that I want a deluge of thanks but I end up asking him whether he has enjoyed a night out. This is compounded by the fact he cannot drive (he is 38 years old and I am 40) which I have had an issue about from the start and have asked him to learn but he never books lessons - there is always an excuse. I find he takes me paying for things for granted but I do not want to spend weekends just watching TV. He does not suggest other things to do.Over and above this, he has been cagey about his phone. It was in my kitchen and I had not looked at it but he obviously remembered he had left it laying around and came quickly into the kitchen to grab it and I noticed he looked quit worried. He also checks it when he thinks I am not looking. I have given him no reason to do this.The final straw came this evening. Over the weekend I booked cinema tickets and he suggested we went for a meal first. Needless to say I ended up paying for it. He fell asleep during the film which, ok, maybe he was tired but I felt a bit let down. However, he told me tonight that he is going to the cinema tomorrow with his female friend. I have not met this woman and don't want to appear jealous but... I assume he will be paying his way and possibly for a taxi to get there (as he does not drive). I find it rude manners that she has not introduced herself to me before now, she knows we are seeing one another and I cannot help but think that it is a bit like a 'date' that my boyfriend is going on although I would not normally have an issue with the whole female friend thing. Overall I feel a bit used I think and I am strongly considering finishing our relationship because I am sick of propping it up. Have I been stupid or am I blowing this out of proportion?
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (16 January 2013):
 Hi
If your unemployed he shouldn't even be expecting you to pay more than your share.Nor should he expect you to be giving him lifts,fuel and running costs for a car don't come cheap and your not working.As he only sees you or you go out once a fortnight, does this coincide with your JSA payment day by any chance?
You could have said no to him but didn't,you let him treat you as a sugar mummy and inflated his ego.
There are men out there who would treat you right and if you think he's the best company you can get,by paying for it too, then give yourself a damn good shake,your worth way more.I don't think him not being able to drive is a big deal but using you as a taxi is,however,again, you have LET him for 6 months.
You ARE being used and it's up to you to walk away.He has a date with a female 'friend' so thats really the last straw when added to his phone habits.........
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (16 January 2013):
 Ouch honey, this guy is a user and I am sure you can do better.
With regards to his issues with his phone - yes.. classic sign of a cheater - being overprotective of their phones.
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A
female
reader, Dayzy  +, writes (16 January 2013):
OMG Run don't walk away from this loser. And next time don't waste 6 months on a person like this. You don't need a man in your life if it's only to use you and disrespect you. He IS disrespecting you. Why didn't he invite you with him and his friend to the cinema? Why don't you see what happens if you don't pay. I hope you're not giving him free sex as well. What is in this for you?????
I think you need some help with your self esteem so that you respect value yourself enough not to let someone use you up like this. Are your friends telling you to drop this guy fast?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 January 2013):
 I think you are being used and I think you are being cheated on.
Stop paying for him
Stop picking him up
stop making it easy for him...
he'll go away all by himself.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 January 2013):
 No you are not blowing things out of proportion. He sensed that he has used you up and the expiry date for this relationship is approaching. So he hooked up with a new, unsuspecting "friend" in hopes of getting free meals from her too.
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