A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys. My questions is regarding my ex/on-off partner. We've been together for years and split up on-off over the last 18 months. We always stayed in touch and stayed friends and there are still feelings between us and we are still attracted but because he has 'issues' with his temper etc .. it just didn't seem to work out properly again. Anyway all was fine, we saw each other at Xmas, swapped gifts, our kids still keep in touch etc etc .. and we would chat over the phone a couple of times a week and we always hugged each other when we saw each other. Then, all of a sudden, one evening we were texting and I got a text saying 'I'm seeing someone so no further contact please' then when I asked why he texted back 'can't see ex when dating - not right'. I was stunned and when i texted back to say so he sent some nasty texts including 'clear off/pi*s off/f*ck off' etc .. (his temper and abusive side coming out again). We were together for years and years and our children and us all went on holidays together and we were like one big family. Is is that unreasonable for us to stay in touch. It really hurts to not talk to him at all and to have him be so nasty. This is the first date he has got in two years - and it was only his first date with her - could it be he got so excited about having a date at all that he just put all his eggs in one basket. Or does it sound like the woman is telling him to ignore me. My friends just said 'don't ever speak to him again he is horrible' but I find this hard, even though I know he can be nasty. He can also be loveable and sweet and kind etc .. but can be very verbally unpleasant. Has anyone else had this kind of behaviour and what was the reason/how did you handle it. Should I just ignore him for good or leave it a few weeks and speak to him if I bump into him (we belong to the same gym but I haven't been in a while). I am upset and confused and feeling lost because of all this. I would really appreciate any advice. I have spoken to him every day of my life for the past 15 years and now this!!! I even thought we would get back together one day. Oh, also, he sent a nasty text saying 'and don't speak to my son I am am fussy who he talks to'. His son is an adult and stays in touch with us of his own free will and last time HE sent ME a message on Facebook etc ... His son said he does not agree with a lof of the way his dad behaves (my ex and his wife divorced years ago because they argued badly and their son said it was a relief when theys split up - he also said his mother was much calmers after the divorce even though my ex said she was the argumentative one and used to say she was a 'mad bi*ch' etc etc). Anyway all this recent coldness from him to me, It feels awful. Thanks.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 He has kicked you to the curb .There is not much you can do except to get up and dust off the dirt and walk away with your head held high.
Whether it is because the new woman told him to stop contact with you or his own decision , it does not matter anymore.
You are no more on his top priority list and you should discard this emotional clutch and learn to depend on yourself more.
Cut yourself loose from this guy and move out of your comfort zone .Show him that you can be happy even without him.
If you were to meet by accident , just be civil and nothing more.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 No wonder you're so upset and feeling awful. Sounds kind of crappy. Well here's the thing - you don't deserve this. If you guys aren't together anymore, you need to leave it behind. It seems that he's just keeping you around as a back up plan, if he can be this nasty to you and doesn't want to speak when he's got a girlfriend. If this was a genuine friendship then a) he wouldn't talk to you like that and b) wouldn't ditch you every time a new chick comes around.
You don't deserve this. Why would you want to be with someone who won't commit to you 100%, tells you to fuck off and is abusive? Your friends are right - you just need to let him go for good. He's just going to be a toxic person in your life if you keep him in it. Don't worry about the new girl and whether or not she told him not to talk to you. It's not about her. It's about you moving on with your life and finding someone who gives you the love and friendship you deserve.
Good luck, sweetness!
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