A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year. We have used condoms, and the pull out method , when we have had sex. He wants me to try using the pill. I'm nervous about it though, as I have never used it before (he is the only person I have had sex with ). I have heard that there are a lot of side affects with the pill. I don't want to disappoint him though. He says that I satisfy him sexually, but I hope he isn't just saying that to be nice. What should I do ? Another issue I have is that I don't like giving oral sex, but he gives me oral sex. I do masturbate him though. I know he wants me to try giving him oral sex, but I don't feel comfortable with it.
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condom, oral sex, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 January 2013):
 I agree with Sage
1. talk to your doctor. And I DO think you starting SOME kind of BC would be a smart thing to do. Pull out method is like playing Russian Roulette.
2. If you don't LIKE giving him oral, you don't like it. The thing is I DO think it's something you can go back and "try" again and find that maybe you DO like it. I have read on here many girls who had done oral to guy and hated it because the guy thought that "deep throating" was easy for every girl, it's not. Sadie Allison wrote a book called "Tickle his Pickle" it give you some REALLY go ideas as to how to please a guy orally and STILL have fun yourself. But NEVER ever feel like you HAVE to do things sexually. It makes sex a chore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2013): Like everyone else is saying, the withdrawal method is not full proof.
I have just gone to the Dr to change contraception and there are other methods that will give you less side effects and can be less hassle.
The implant works for 3 years and is placed under your skin in your arm. You can get an injection every 3 months, the hormonal IUD which lasts 3 years, femmydom or vaginal ring. As well as the pill.
Talk it over with your GP to see what suits you better, don't get a certain contraception because your partner wants less hassle.
With the oral sex thing, research it, make sure it's clean and that YOU are in control. You may like it.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 January 2013):
 CMMP, I agree that stepping outside the comfort zone is often a good thing, which is why the second half of the sentence you quoted said "if you haven't tried it, it might be worth trying". I just don't want the OP to feel she has to do something she has already tried and disliked.
Anyway I wanted to add a link for the OP about the withdrawal method and why it can't be relied upon unless done very, very carefully:
http://contraception.about.com/od/naturalmethods/p/withdrawal.htm
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 January 2013):
The most common side effects of the pill are temporary. Another positive thing about the pill is it will allow you two to be more "intimate" if you know what I mean.
If you've never orgasmed at the same time you're missing out on something that can bring you closer together.
Not to mention when the pull out method is your chosen birth control you better be comfortable having a baby with him because it's not very effective.
Regarding oral sex I disagree that you "absolutely shouldn't do anything you aren't completely comfortable with." Sometimes it takes leaving your comfort zone to begin to enjoy new things. Besides who was completely comfortable the first time they had sex?
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 January 2013):
Withdrawal method isn't reliable, OP. You're not on the pill so you should be using condoms every time. Why aren't you? Are you happy to risk pregnancy?
There are lots of options with oral contraceptive pills. Some may give you side effects (which stop when you stop using them), but another one might suit you just fine. Go and book yourself an appointment at the GP surgery or a family planning centre. Might be a good idea for your boyfriend to come with you.
Have you tried giving oral sex or just don't like the idea of it? You absolutely shouldn't do anything you're not completely comfortable with but if you haven't tried it, it might be worth trying? (You don't have to let him ejaculate in your mouth if that's what puts you off.) Anyway, don't be pressured into anything outside your boundaries.
Finally, please use condoms every time. We don't want you back here asking a question about an unplanned pregnancy!
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (11 January 2013):
 I found the pill reduced my sex drive and made my migraines worse bug if depends on your own medical condition really.
If he really want oral sex just save it for special occasions. It does tend to give you jaw ache but men love it and its nice to keep them happy!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 January 2013):
 IF you don't prefer to, or like to, give him oral sex, then THAT determines that detail of your's and his sex activities.....
IF he likes to - and you enjoy - that HE performs oral sex for you, then THAT determines ANOTHER detail of your's and his sexual activities....
There really ISN'T a book of hard-and-fast rules about what two people do, intimately.... (Pun, fully intended, by the way!)....YOU and HE get to make up your own rules, as you go along...
IF you and he discover a difficulty or incompatibility, then you address it.... AND, you either come to an agreement as to how to handle that detail... OR you decide that it's fatal to your "relationship" and end it (the relationship).....
As to your use of oral birth control.... talk this over with your Doctor. With decades of such medication behind us.... medicine men and drug manufacturers have learned a great deal about the safety of this method (addressing your concern about side- and long-term effects).... and, along with him/her (the Doctor) you can make an informed decision....
Good luck in the future... You sound like a smart cookie...
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