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Size and performance anxiety during sex!

Tagged as: Friends, Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 February 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 7 March 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have had substantial anxiety developing related to my marriage and sex. I was a little bit anxious when we were first married because we did not have sex with each other until we were married. I was rather anxious over size and performance, because a previous girlfriend told me as she was breaking up with me that I had a small penis, and that she faked all her orgasms. I was determined that she was just angry and probably just making it up.

The first year of our marriage seemed ok, but then I noticed the amount of sex declined. I was a little bit concerned over it, but didn't let it bother me too much. When it started becoming almost nonexistent, I started getting worried. I overheard her and a friend one day talking in our bedroom about sex and size, and she was saying something like she could barely feel it, and that she had to finish herself off without me. I was definitely shocked at this because we were married, and didn't know what to do. One of next times we had sex she was in the bathroom afterward for almost 2 hours. I ended up finding 2 different "toys" which were probably more than twice the size I am, and it seems she uses these almost every day, yet will only have sex with me once or twice a month.

I then started getting anxiety about this and confronted her and she laughed and she said when I got bigger she would think about getting rid of the toys. She had some friends over after this, and came in the bedroom and asked to cuff me to the bed naked so we could have some fun when they left shortly. I agreed, but then when she was done she went and got them and said "you have to see this", and they were laughing there for like 2 minutes and then she was like "now do you see why I invested in "the big one"?' I asked her how bad it was and she said the depth was really not good, but that her biggest complaint was the thickess. It just seems to be getting worse and worse, the anxiety has caused me to come now sometimes before I can even get it in.

She constantly reminds me of this and jokes about it with her friends saying "don't let him see your vagina or he'll cum all over himself." I don't know what to do. She doesn't degrade me in any other way than these sexual matters, I can only guess she is frustrated, but I don't know what to do. I get comments on my body and looks, but these other things seem to shatter that. Is size important even in marriage? How can I make this better?

View related questions: orgasm, vagina

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A female reader, ksl0204 United States +, writes (7 March 2009):

Calm down... I have been in the medical field for 15 yrs and size is not counts. Sex does not make up a marriage. It is very important... I would sit down and talk to her about your concerns because your anxiety, if she truly has an issue with your size the maybe go to the doctors and see if they can't give you something to help out. You can do other things to please her. Go to and adult stop and let her pick out a toy that you can use on her, something intimate between the two of you... Add some spice back into you marriage, consider counseling... Just depends on how much you love her and she loves you... How bad do you want to work this out... Maybe a penis ring would help.... KL

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009):

dude you should divorce her, ask yourself does she really love you?

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A female reader, Things United States +, writes (28 February 2009):

Are you kidding me.. GET OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE.....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009):

OMG! Dude! Your wife should not be treating you like this! It sounds like she doesn't love you and she DEFINITLEY doesn't respect you! I feel real bad for you man. I used to have a complex about my Dick size, but, I overcame it. I wouldn't put up with that kind of treatment from my wife! It's simply ridiculous! Don't let her treat you like that man, because it's not right!

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A male reader, 23ConfusedOne23 United States +, writes (26 February 2009):

23ConfusedOne23 agony auntWhat she did to you was discusting and unbelivably imature. I was really trown back by what she's done to you. There is no excuse for that. She either has to change big time or you need to move on because no men or women deserve that treatment.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009):

I'm so sorry for you!!! She's mean and doesn't deserve you one more day. I don't care about size, it's the caressing, touching, orgasms (which any man can learn to do). My guy is too long in size and I wish he was shorter, but that's o.k. because he knows how to touch me in all the right places. Like others say, talk it over and she should NEVER have played that joke on you. That's not acceptable in any marriage.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (26 February 2009):

natasia agony auntoh. my. god. I CANNOT believe she did that to you! She is a monster and you should bloody well divorce her RIGHT this second!!

Sorry ... perhaps I am over-reacting ... but what she did to you was so humiliating and cruel, it is pretty much abusive. How could she be so mean to you? I'm not surprised you feel bad!!!!! I'm only surprised that you should ever want to have sex with her again after that. And she is still, constantly, putting you down - how could she be so horrid??

Right, as far as penis size is concerned, this is my opinion:

- If you love someone, it ends up not mattering at all.

That's the truth of it. I have had a partner who was very well-endowed, and another who is normally endowed, or even on the smaller side. Someone with a huge dick has got it easy in a lot of ways, yes, but it is totally true that it's not what you've got but what you do with it - there are ways and means to get around having a smaller one.

I don't think you need a list of methods and tricks, though - I think you need a wife who loves you. : (

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009):

Here's a question... how good is 'she' in trying to satisfy 'you'?

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A male reader, cupids_friend United States +, writes (26 February 2009):

Okay bro any guy should never feel this way I am 20 years old I am going to tell you some of my secrets I hope this helps The actual act of eating out a woman usually concentrates on the vagina and clitoris and also the stimulation of her G spot. However, constant clitoral licking alone won't get the job done. Worse, you'll numb her clit and leave her feeling raw. Start by spending a little time licking and circling her clit with the tip of your tongue and from there slowly lick your way down her labia to her slit and slowly work your way up again to her clit. Repeat a couple of times all the while making sure that you caress her body especially the inner thighs, calves and feet with your free hands. At this point, the area between her labia and the top of her thighs are extremely sensitive. Slowly kiss and lick this area all the while teasing her and working your kisses towards her clit but just when she expects you to go for her clit, stop and move your attention to the other side. You can repeat the same process with her inner thighs, calves nipping her skin lightly as you work your way up her thighs.The idea here is to do anything that comes to mind and TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't rush! Tease her and drive her nuts to the point where every nerve in her body is tingling and her entire body is extremely sensitive and screaming for your touch. She's so turn on by now that you'd need a fire hose to douse the fire you started in her! Now for the kill, lean forward with your mouth less than an inch from her vagina and let her feel your warm breath caressing her before you proceed to lick her up between her legs. Besides eating her out you're your tongue, you can also use your fingers to increase her pleasure. 

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