A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Since getting with my boyfriend in August 2013, I've hardly seen my friends. I used to see them almost every weekend, we would go out and have drinks and have a laugh. I miss some of them alot but I'm too stubborn to admit I've been in the wrong as I'm in my first relationship. I don't know how to approach the situation and I'm unsure of what to say to them. I hate it when I'm in the wrong, although this isn't just my fault as they could have made plans and arrangements aswell.I miss my old friends and would like some help or advice on how to get them back, please? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 February 2014):
 I had a female friend who would "vanish" from the group of friends EVERY TIME she get a BF - it would usually last about 6 months and then she would call out of the blue and want to socialize with us all again. (we DID try an reach out to her as well, but she was full of excuses and her new BF, which is OK too). When she got engaged and later married she completely went of the radar and got VERY hostile because no one had thrown her a hen party, yet NONE of us were invited to the wedding and I am not sure anyone really knew she was getting married. She DID try (5 years later to reach out on Facebook, no less, and I honestly ignored it).
Call them and tell them you miss them and if you guys can go out or hang out.
And then in the future don't BE that girl who can't manage both friends and a BF. Friends don't expect you to be AS social as before, but you do come to trust/depend a lot less on a person who do the "vanish thing" EVERY time a new man is in her life.
And don't forget you CAN mix friend and a BF, shouldn't he get to KNOW your friends? And you get to know his?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 February 2014):
 I don't think this is even a situation which requires huge helpings of humble pie and solemn promises of atonement.
You just call up or email these people, or some of them, and simply say the truth : Hey guys, I have been missing you so much. When is it that we can catch up ?. Yeah I know, I have been remiss, I haven't kept in touch, but I am sure you know how it is ... first boyfriend, first love... one tends to get a little carried away , a little too trapped in their love bubble... Instead , I want to be with my BF and ALSO see my friends. Let's make it happen soon, like, what are you up to next weekend ?
I don't think they'll cold shoulder you, nobody resists to a SINCERE, genuine, " I miss you ", isn't it what we all want to hear from the people we care about ?
I would not make a song and a dance about who is " in the wrong " or who was suspposed to call whom. Quite simply, at times we lose sight of your priorities, or we have trouble making them all fit in equally in a busy life. It happens to everybody, the important is that you noticed and are tryng to correct the situation.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 February 2014):
 Stubbornness is not a good quality to have. I know it's hard to own up to mistakes made, but being too proud to admit you're wrong will cause you a lot of problems and potential heartache throughout life.
Do yourself a favor and own up to your mistakes. Your friends will most likely be glad to have you back and miss you. It takes a big person to apologize. it reflects well on a persons character. and you might as well get used to learning how to apologize because this won't be the only time in life it will be merited. Life is full of lessons and mistakes. You have to know how to learn from them and take responsibility.
It's not the person who makes mistakes who is in the wrong. it's the one too prideful to own up to those mistakes. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): You just drop the pride and you go to them.
To make it special, go see them one at a time. Give each friend their own apology; and reconnect with each one individually.
They didn't abandon you; you dissed them for your new boyfriend. They don't owe you anything. You shut them out, then make that lame comment they could have come to you.
Seriously?!!
You need get over yourself; and break that habit of refusing to give in when you're wrong.
That is going to be the thing that may breakup your relationship some day.
You better get in the practice of swallowing your pride, and being good to your friends. You're going to need them badly someday.
Never every undervalue friendship. Boys will come and go.
You keep friends as long as they will have you. My friends were there when I got dumped. I could never tell you in words how much they mean to me.
Then after you patch things up; call them together and celebrate your friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): do you have their phone numbers? you could text them to see how they're doing, and see how they respond. if they do respond nicely, you could suggest that you all go for a nice meal. and don't exclude your bf. it could be a good chance for them to get to know him and him to get to know them. maybe you could get in touch by email, or write a letter. maybe add them on fb.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2014):
 pick up the phone and call them and say "I miss you want to get together"
it's really that simple. I do it with my girl friends when we've been off each other for whatever reasons.
it's common for girls in their first relationship to let friendships slide... it's also common for friends to forgive that...
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 February 2014):
 Swallow your pride, apologise and make up.
I've had many friends who have done this, after a while it gets tiresome and in the case of my friends we just left them to their relationship and stopped making the effort.
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