A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm a bit new to this, but i thought i'd get some opinions.Me and my girlfriend have been together for about a month or so now, and the problem lies with her two guy best friends. She's known them about a year or so. Feels like she talks to them a LOT more than me, and although I'm not a jealous type of person, I don't appreciate the amount of attention that she's still giving them. I'm totally 100% fine with her having guy best friends, as long as she puts me first, which it feels like is not happening. She even went as far as telling me that whenever she's unhappy, she goes to one of them because she doesn't want to involve me. Shouldn't I be the one she runs to when she's feeling down? She said it's just a habit, but I'm not so sure. And to make matters worse, the guy she runs to has had a crush on her for a while now, and still does.What really bugs me is that whenever i bring this up to her, she always says that I AM #1, that I make her totally happy, she loves me, all that. I don't know what to believe, because her actions just don't agree with the words. I'm always asking her if she's happy with us, and all she says is "I'm okay with whatever we have". But then again, she also has said how they're very important, but I'm more important. It's just confusing how her words suggest she's totally 100% happy and commited, but her actions dont :/ Any opinions would be great, thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): First off, thanks for the advice guys, I'll just chill a bit and not worry so much about her guy friends.
Not sure how to add to my question, so I'll just add it here. She actually opened up a lot last night, and told me she was afraid I would leave, and she's scared of falling in love with me because she's been hurt so much in the past. I believe her words were "I know I can trust you. I know you won't hurt me. But I just don't know how to make myself let go with you." I've told her I'll wait until she can, and I made it clear I'm not leaving her. What would you make of this?
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 December 2010):
 You've only been with her for a month...
If you date someone for a short time, I don't believe you should even be their #1 priority anyways, not at this stage at least...
"Best friendships" tend to develop after having knowing each other for a fair while. Dating for such a short time doesn't mean that the "best friend" torch automatically passes to you. I highly doubt you'd even care if her best friends were girls.
You sound like you need to just take a step back, relax and stop over-analyzing this relationship.
Just have fun mate and try not to take it too seriously :)
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A
male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (22 December 2010):
She is either just telling you what she thinks you want to hear, or she thinks that you are number 1 in her mind, but in reality you might not be. But my guess is the reason that she goes to her guy friends is that she has known them longer and just feels more comfortable with talking to them about these sort of things. I would just be patient. I am willing to bet that if you are with her long enough she will start to talk to you about these sort of things.
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A
male
reader, Cgblake487 +, writes (22 December 2010):
Don't worry about it, it is just an image issue. She feels so deeply about you that she is afraid that opening up to you might cause her to look bad in your eyes. Just sit her down, look deep into her eyes and let her know that she means a lot to you and nothing she says could ever change that.
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