A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I am frustrated with my boyfriend of 4 years, but before I say anything to him I'd like to know what you think. He has flexible salesman working hours and seems to be always having things going on - taking time off to help his mom move her plants in the week or go to watch sport with his 9 year old midweek or going to the pub with friends for the afternoon. He does all of this during the working week. He averages about 6 working hours per day for the last year. He takes a month off in December and has had about 4 weeks off so far this year in addition. Now that sounds like a great job but he is always having to borrow money from me and has no rainy day savings. We don't live togeteher. Sometimes he doesn't go in to the office or on the road because he says the cost of driving is too much. So then he "works from home" but I call and he's watching sport. He says I don't understand the nature of his job and that he doesn't have to be in an office 8 hours a day. I agree with that but surely he should at least work about 8 hours a day even if not in the office before he approaches me for financial help? If I worked his hours my salary would halve. Am I being unreasonable here? Thanks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 He should NOT be asking you for money and you should say "no I'm sorry I can't afford it. It's not in my budget"
no self respecting man I know would continuously borrow money from his GF. I assume he does not pay you back...
EVEN if you CAN afford it, he belittles himself to "borrow" money from you.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (13 November 2013):
 No you're not being unreasonable, not at all!
If your boyfriend needs extra money then he should work extra hours and earn it, that simple!
How patronising of him to suggest you don't understand his job! Of course you can't, he doesn't do any work!
Salesmen get paid a very basic salary but can usually earn really good money by achieving bonus targets each month. In order to do this he would need to actually do some work and put in the hours.
I think it's disgusting that he can afford to go drinking with his mates and sit at home watching TV whilst borrowing money from you to fund his lifestyle.
I can only assume that he doesn't pay you back because how can he?
Next time he asks you for a "loan" just apologise and say you don't have the spare funds and leave it there.
If he insists that you do, be honest and say that you have worked long and hard to save your money and it's not fair that he keeps asking for loans that he doesn't pay back when he has a job that could provide him with great earning potential.
I don't know how long this has been going on but I have a horrible feeling this guy is using you for your money.
Can I suggest you stop giving him money (and no doubt bailing him out) and spend some of your hard earned cash on yourself because I think you deserve a treat and a break.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 November 2013):
 Does he pay back those loans? Or does he "borrow" money and not pay back.
Secondary, you are NOT responsible for his finances, that should be on him, specially with you two not living together.
HE CHOOSES to work less so he can PLAY more, and then expect YOU to help him because he can't make ends meet.
My guess is, you (or his friends/mom) help him with these loans, which doesn't really help him, but ENABLE him to live in this "I don't really need to work so much" fantasy.
Honestly I would keep your finances VERY separate.
I however, do not think you should TRY and tell him what he should do, he is a grown ass man ans should KNOW that if he only works XX amount of hours he only has XX amount of pay. It's logic for chickens. I would just tell him you can't loan him money.
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