A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:So I have spent a total of 19 days with my current guy I'm seeing we have been together for 3 months and known each other for 4 I know I love him he says he loves me, he was the first to romanicly take me in his arms and tell me in my ear I know it's not fake. but he hasn't talked to me much in 5 days and is out of town but I would still think he could keep some routin and say goodnight to me like we do evey night or even if he didn't say much in a day a hi is nice. I am not sure what to think I know he is not done with me cause he would just say so and always expresses when he is feeling like we are having an issue but we have had a great time together lately I really love our times we shared and we didn't have sex everytime we would sometimes just watch tv together and I would leave after that I always leave the choice of sex up to him. I never want to make him feel like a sex toy and we both seem to try our best to prove to each other that we don't feel like that about each other. Anyways so should I be worried when a man stops texting or should I view this as a good thing? My thought is maybe he is doing some deep thinking about where he would like our relationship to go and if I am someone he can have a future with. He has already told me he wants me to be his forever but nothing has changed to show that feeling he has yet. What do you think? I have not texted him only cause I usually did a lot when we first got together. I am trying to leave the ball in his court so he can show me he cares and is thinking of me. He has before but I need to see it this time only cause of my unsure was about what's going on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): Hi, hey maybe the guy really likes you an he is also scared, he's coming on to strong, he might be waiting for you to tex him, so he know's you really like him. I know cause am going through this my self right now. He could be crazy about you, an is worried that he's coming on to strong, to fast, he might be thinking about you all the time, having a hard time sleeping, hey it's ok if you tex him first,if you do it might show him you care ,an that might be all he's waiting for, don't give up on him, he might be so much in like with you , that he's falling an scared that he is the only one that feel's this way, tex him, make him feel good,you know you want to, what would it hurt, it couldn't, hurt any more then it hurt;s already. Just a small tex, like I've been thinking about you, am miss hearing your voice. Hope it turn's out, you two being together.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 December 2013):
 'he wanted to prove to me that I mean much more to him than just sex'
THAT is how it should be. Not you trying to prove you aren't using him for sex. A lot of men wouldn't mind being used for sex. It's being used for money that worries them. Don't go trying to prove yourself to him on that one either.
Please do not ask him (or any other guy) why he is with you. Regardless of how 'simply curious' you claim to be it will always sound like you're seeking reassurance. A confident person KNOWS why people are interested in them.
It isn't HIM who concerns me. It's you.
You've only known him for 4 months and of that only spent 19 days together, yet you're already decided you love him. You hardly know the man!
You knew he was genuine because he was the first man to take you romantically in his arm. If that were an accurate way to measure honesty, law enforcement would be using it to solve crimes.
'I know he isn't done with me because he would just say so' 'I always leave the choice of sex up to him' 'I never want to make him feel like a sex toy'. You think he hasn't been in touch with you because he's busy thinking about your relationship.
It is your naiveté that puts you at risk, not him.
Like I said earlier, too soon to worry, but never too soon to pay attention and be cautious.
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A
female
reader, Lovemeright11 +, writes (25 December 2013):
Lovemeright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have asked him that question if the reason he is with me is because I will do many things with him that others would not. I equally enjoy everything we do I actually suggested many things and find out he enjoys the same so it's amazing to know that. We did take sex out of the equation a couple times he even told me one of the nights I came over to visit with him that he wanted no sex. He said later that night that it was hard to restrain himself but his reasoning was because he wanted to prove to me that I mean much more to him than just sex and since then he has done that a couple times we would just plain spend time together nothing else to it. I leave smiling anyways. I don't mean I don't have my own opinion in the relationship I do but other than no contact in the current situation that I'm concerned about I really feel he is what I have been looking for my entire life and I was not even trying to get involved in a relationship but it happened and I do not regret any choice. I do feel he has not fallen super hard for me yet but probably does have a simple love for me not I love cause I know what it should look like and the only time I see those actions is when I am leaving to go home I see he does. And he will tell me everytime we see each other that he misses me even if I just saw him the day before. That's all I have to say for now he has also told me that he really likes to take things super slow he likes to be 100% about the woman he gets involved with which is why I am only the 5th he has ever been with.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (25 December 2013):
Too soon to worry yet, but a few things do stand out for me in your post.
If 'out of town' means visiting family or old friends over Christmas then he may not have much alone time, internet access and be in a position to afford a big long distance bill. So there is that to consider.
To be honest, I doubt very much he's doing any deep thinking about you and where he wants this relationship to go. I imagine you come to mind occasionally but you're not at the centre of his thoughts.
In my opinion it is a big mistake to leave sex and the whole relationship question up to him. Why would you do that? Is the risk you take with him any less than the risk he takes with you? Are you impervious to the pain of rejection?
You're so concerned with proving to him you aren't using him for sex (seriously??), but you've taken no measures at all to protect yourself from being used by him. I still cannot believe you actually said that. Very, very foolish.
I absolutely agree with not contacting him and giving him his space. The last thing you want to do is come across as clingy or have him think you have no life of your own.
OP, the way to ensure you aren't being used for sex is to take sex off the table and see who sticks around. In your grandmother's day women seldom had to wonder if they were being used for sex because far fewer of them put out. When a guy dated them they knew he was interested. They didn't fall for this 'I'll sleep with you and let you give me a blow job but I don't want a relationship because I'm afraid I'll get hurt' bullshit.
I don't know what this guy's intentions are, but I don't think he's spending much of his vacation thinking about it. And there is certainly no reason for him to since he's getting everything he wants for free anyway.
YOU ought to give some serious thought to what YOU want and whether or not what you're doing will help you achieve it.
Too soon to worry, but I do recommend caution.
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