A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Recently I found out my fiancé had been having an interstate affair and was broken hearted. I broke up with her multiple times in a week but each time I was drawn back. Eventually I left for a few days and in that time I had sex with another woman. Now I am back with my fiance however she denies sleeping with the other man ever and said it was just fir the attention and to feel wanted as I was literally working almost 24/7 at the time and she never communicated to me how she felt. I don't believe she didn't sleep with the other man just from some of the messages between them that I read. My fiancé knows that I hooked up with another woman but I never told her that I actually slept with her and I feel horrible about it even if we were broken up technically. Should I tell her I had sex with this other woman or will it just fracture the relationship we have managed to build up in the past months.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Yes, if you intend to marry this woman, you tell the truth.
If you are afraid that this truth will break you up, a broken engagement is better than a happy divorce.
I am more concerned with the fact that she was having an affair (whether it be physical or emotional) and that the two of you need to work on whatever the source of that affair was. Maybe it was she needed more attention, or it could be something else. The key to make this relationship work is to focus on the SOURCE of what caused her to stray to begin with. IF you can not fix the problem at the source, do not get married.
I am going to refer you to two links on my website with free information to help you in your situation.
The first covers the issues of cheating, and what you can do about it:
http://www.franktalks.com/lucia
Listen to the interview done in March 2012 at the top of the page.
Then,
http://www.franktalks.com/pre-marital-coaching/
Read all the articles and listen to all the interviews on that page as they all deal with being engaged and handling the truth.
I hope this helps.
Good luck.
-Frank
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