A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i met this really hot girl at a frat party and we got drunk and had sex. she was a year older and graduated a few months later so nothing after that happened. my parents got divorced a year later and when my dad started dating he got engaged with the girl i slept with. should i tell my dad that i slept with his fiancee and my future stepmom? And also what if i begin to hAVE feelings 4 her again?
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female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (31 December 2010):
 He should kno! Good lord I would want to know if I was about to marry someone that my child slept with. this might get very complicated later if its not layed on the table now. Imagine if he finds out in ten years from now. How do I think he would feel. Wow. You got to tell him!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): What is weird is your dad dating someone your age...but that could be fun and certainly nothing wrong with it (coming from a guy whose old enough to be your dad...we just get creepier as we get older).Does she remember you?If she doesn't remember you and that night, then let sleeping dogs lie and stay out of it. If she does, well, no advice on that score.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): feelings ? From the sounds of it the only feeling you had was in your pants ... Although you should bring it up to your dad , since it could be wierd ...
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A
female
reader, iris21 +, writes (29 December 2010):
Omg thats akward ... feeling's ? You were drunk the only feeling you had was in your pants ... Maybe it is a matter to discuss if you are still somewhat attracted to her ... Have you discussed the matter with her ?
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 December 2010):
Noone bothered to ask the important question: how long have they been together and how long have you known? It just seems strange to me that you would wait for them to get engaged to drop the bomb.
Normally I would say leave it, but this could turn out to be quite a tangled mess later on. So tell him what happened so he can make a decision.
I know you're getting mixed responses, but the whole "don't tell because it'll hurt him" doesn't fly because he WILL find out one way or the other and that'll be worse. Because aside from the slightly creepy age difference, who would want someone who slept with your son as a wife?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): This is case where it's best to keep your trap shut. At least to your father.
You will need to discuss the issue with the girl. You need to make sure that she isn't just in it for the sex with your dad. It will be uncomfortable, but give her the benefit of the doubt as a lot can happen in a year.
Perhaps your dad essentially makes her a better person. Who knows.
But both deserve a chance to be happy, and if it happens to be with each other... so be it. You don't have to call her your step-mother or even think of her that way. My Dad remarried, I don't like his wife and don't think of or even call her anything related to step-mother.
Life is too short to be screwing with your dad's head simply because she met you first. She may not even have known until he introduced you to here that you two even knew each other. She might not even have remembered you until she saw you.
Seriously, give everyone a break and just agree with the girl to let the past stay where it is.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Dear #STEPSON, I can’t just see how that can benefit your dad. He's happy, she’s happy. You're the only one that has a problem. Who’s to say he doesn't already know? She might have already told him! And when you tell him and he says “I know son" How would you handle that? And I don't think it matters much if you fall for her again, she will be a married woman soon a married woman to your father may I add. Wish them well and move on you should be finding a wife for yourself and not be concerning yourself with what dad is doing at this point in his life. ijs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Absolutely, you must tell him. Put yourself in his shoes... you would want to know. This is bordering on extremely weird behavior on her part... don't let him walk into a hornet's nest... You are his son, sometimes doing the right thing takes real courage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): I think he has a right to know, and as his son AND as a person who played a part in this history, you have the responsibility to tell him. Hard to say how he'll take it, but you have to be prepared for whatever happens and to stand by him.
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A
male
reader, lawyerbait +, writes (28 December 2010):
 What the heck is your dad doing engaged to someone who is essentially your age? That's kind of messed up (and inappropriate). Of course I'd tell him. Go into the details of your drunken hookup - and you don't need to skirt around the issues: let him know that she really likes it from behind, yadda yadda. Lay it on thick - that might force him to take a good look at himself and figure out if she really likes him, or just wants a father-son tag-team. Don't worry about hurting your dad's feelings. If he makes the mistake of marrying this chick, it's going to lead to worse issues down the line, like when he passes on and leave her his entire estate, cutting you out of the will.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 I think you owe it to your father to tell him the truth. How much more painful would it be for him if he were to find out when it's too late, that she's a woman of loose morals, the type who has drunken sex with anyone?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 December 2010):
 it is up to her to tell him if she wants to (I would hope she would not as it will only cause pain)
It is not up to you to hurt your father's happiness, (even if you wish he hadn't divorced your Mom)
So this is your opportunity to demonstrate how diplomatic you can be and keep it to yourself.
That way she will be your ally to your father and hopefully be eternally grateful for your tact.
The time you slept (lovely euphemism isn't?) with her was a fleeting moment in your life. Therefore it would be very self indulgent and unkind of you to taint the happiness your father feels right now.
She may be quite terrified of what you know. If she raises it very quietly with you, just be a gentleman and assure her there will be no trouble from you. .
Enjoy the wedding
And whatever you do - don't tell anyone.
You can rarely ever get in trouble for what you DON'T say.
It is what you DO say that is most likely to get you into trouble.
It is exactly the kind of gossip that hurtful people use to inflict pain from a distance on others
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Best to air this out early before she becomes your stepmom, for his benefit and for yours. This could make for a really akward living sitation. If you don't and he does find out, and eventually he probably will, he might be really hurt you didn't tell him.
I am wondering though, what kind of woman sleeps with a son and then tries to marry his father. She may have emotional issues. Tell your dad.
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