A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:Should I message a guy's old lover to find out the whole story of what happened? Im currently in the process of getting over a guy I've liked for a while.I found out he's a jerk and was seeing other women while we were a thing. He now has a new girlfriend and I realize that I am better off without him. However, it helps for me to get over him by talking it out and finding out more of what happened. I was going to facebook this girl he was seeing and send her a message letting her know who I am and why I am messaging her. Is this a good idea or should I just leave it and never know? Please Help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Leave it, that's what I would say. She's has probably gotten over him by now and your interference would bring back bad memories for her. The past is a place that is best left forgotten. You have your future to look after, why don't you get busy with that, and move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Hello
My ex boyfriend was seeing his ex wife while we were together, which i only found out by chance. Alot of people i know did not like him as he was very sarcastic where he worked and he got a girl from his office to phone me up and tell me that he did not like me anymore, he now has a new girlfriend who i want to tell her whats he is really like as he deserves to be on his own, i have met somebody really special and you will find new love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Yes, I have a feeling that would help you - as long as he doesn't find out!
I was/still am in love with this guy and he has alot of issues ... I tried to find out more about him and although I hated some of the things I found, it hasn't dampened my feelings.
I wouldn't message this girl on Facebook - if you decide to talk to her then I would do it more privately. There is a good chance that you will become close friends due to your shared hatred/experiences of this man, which may help you emotionally, especially if she is supportive. Alternatively she may become jealous and angry. So perhaps it would be more sensible to talk to somebody who is indifferent to the situation ... but if you feel you must satisfy your curiosity before you move on, I don't see any harm.
x
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A
male
reader, bg  +, writes (2 September 2008):
I would just leave it all for a while. The need to pry into an ex's life for closure reasons is a produt of anxiety.If he was seeing other women then you ARE better off without him, what occured between him and his ex is between them, what will happen between him and his new girl is her problem. You should either move on or just take some time for yourself.Also if he catches you trying to analyze him it could get ugly, best just to let him slither away for now.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Em  +, writes (2 September 2008):
 I think you should leave it. You've realised you're indeed better off without him, thus 75% on your way to being over him completely! I don't think you need to know. Not only don't you need it, it really isn't any of your business now you're not involved.
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