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Should I stay at his house?

Tagged as: Family, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 September 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 15 September 2012)
A age 30-35, * writes:

Dear cupids, I am faced with a challenge. I made up my mind to spend my school holiday this december with my boyfriend in his house in another state and tell my parents the school requested us to stay because of out fast approaching exams so as to stay away from my father cos he ill treats me. I told my mom about not staying with my dad, she suggested I spend it with her but the problem is if i spend it with her she would take all my money. She asks for money for everything even house rent and I already have a budget of my money. She is very selfish and greedy and doesn't like spending her own money. I don't even want to stay with her cos it would be so uncomfortable with her. All the money in her hand today she worked for nothing. If i stay with this boyfriend of mine which I do not like very much as I have lost my feelings for him, he might want to have sex. I don't even want to stay with him but I do not have anywhere to stay and am just using him. I once told him I wasn't a virgin a while ago. We've never even kissed. I am still a virgin and I don't want to be easily succumbed into sex cos am staying with him. I am so confused. Should I go to his house or stay in my boring school?

View related questions: money, still a virgin

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 September 2012):

Honeypie agony auntDump the BF and stay at school and enjoy the SERENITY of a NO DRAMA holiday!!

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A female reader, lmao1989 United Kingdom +, writes (15 September 2012):

lmao1989 agony auntWell i would dump him as you clearly don't want a relationship with him as you've said you don't like him that much and he is probably only wants you to stay because you told him you're a virgin.

I would stay in school as you clearly don't want to be around your mum or dad.

Maybe getting some counselling will help resolve some issues in your life.

With your mother i agree with Abella you should contribute to rent and stuff like that but if it is all of the time then you need to tell her to stop and start using her own money. It isn't fair that she is constantly relying on you for money.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (15 September 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntAbsolutely, stay in your boring school. It is the best option open to you, based on the circumstances you subscribe. Toxic father, greedy mother and sexually ravenous unwanted boyfriend. You can study quietly for your exams and reflect on how to break up with the unwanted boyfriend. I think the easiest thing to do is to say, "I'm sorry, I'm breaking up with you. It would be best for you to find another girl, as I am not the one for you. I wish you well. Goodbye." Then don't respond to any contact he makes.

I would suggest you pop into your school's counseling center and have a session with one of the counselors to discuss your life's circumstances. There may be some practical help you can give yourself. Most colleges and universities have that option available for their students, take advantage of it!

Best wishes.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (15 September 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt Stay in your boring school. I guarantee you that it won't be that much fun either, if you have to spend your holidays fending off unwanted sexual advances or " easily succumbing into sex " with a guy that you don't even like !

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (15 September 2012):

Abella agony auntAn extended time in his house he may pressure you for sex. Because he may mis-read your intentions and think you are giving him the green light for sex. which you are NOT doing.

Of course you can say NO to him. That would add another layer of uncomfortableness to the situation and I think staying at your Bf's home would mean that you were less well protected than if you remained at school.

And you do have a right to say NO to your Bf. Since it sounds as if you are losing your feelings for him anyway it would be a horrible way to lose your virginity.

Your father's home is OUT. If he upsets you then that will not work. You need time to study and time to relax, not non-stop criticism.

And your mother? Wow, you can try to stand up to her, but I bet that is tough to do. Especially if she is continually asking for money for everything. I

I do not think it wrong for you to contribute some money to the household budget when you stay with your mother. But it sounds like she attaches a dollar sign to everything she does. That is beyond how most mothers would behave.

I vote for staying at school and studying really hard. It is yoru passport to real freedom in the future.

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A female reader, JULIE MIKE Kenya +, writes (15 September 2012):

as i read this i just realise that you dont have any choice but your booring school.goodluck

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