A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my ex was a horrible nasty piece of work and loves to control and is a power freak but since december (just gone) i have stood up to him and given him abit of his own medicine!! see how he likes to be abused although i only gave him about 1% of the treatment compared to the 100% i and our children recieved over a long period of time. i then had divorce papers served to him in feb 08 which were sent to his parents address whom he regularly speaks to as i dont know where he is living and i dont care. he had the papers sent back to the courts saying not at this address. i know damn well he knew what those papers were and his parents are still at that address. if he thinks he could stall my divorce by doing this then he was wrong as the judge decided he was satisfied that my ex did know what these papers were and my divorce is now going ahead!! so in august does anybody agree with me that i should send him a "congratulations on your divorce" card to his parents just to let him know that this time he had no power and control to stop the divorce by sending the papers back as the judge made the decision to go ahead. i dont want him to be thinking 1 little bit that he has the upperhand of me anymore and i certainly want to let him know in august that i am no longer his stupid little wife!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (31 May 2008):
The relationship may be over but the effects of the relationship are still to come. And it may take sometime for you to heal from this.
I understand why you want to send that note. Your ex hurt you so badly and treated you so wrong. Forever he had power and control over you and you want to make it obvious to him now that despiteh is best efforts to control you (by sending the papers back), he didnt get away with it this time! So i really do understand that. But I also believe that if you send that note to his parents hosue, it will be making it obvious that he is effecting you and thats basically give him power and control over you again.
Believe me, ive been in an abusive relationship before and there is nothing more that your abusive ex partner wants then to know that you are still thinking about that they have some power/control over you.
I'm sure he will be notified in some formal way that the divorce has gone through, so he will find out in time, just dont stoop to his level and allow him to see how much he has hurt you.
Best of luck for you and your children in the healing process! It may be a good idea to consider some counselling for you and your kids.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): It's unnecessary. Just move on.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (30 May 2008):
 No dont send it dont stoop to his petty level. You have already shown him the power you have by starting divorce procedings. Dont let him rule your life any longer and move on and move upwards, you are so much better than him. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 I completely agree with Lazy Guy! Time to move on, have fun and forget all about him. Don't let him control your actions any further. I am pretty sure he will realize he is divorced from you!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Take a deep breath and try and be calm about this.
So you had an abusive husband, too bad but at least you got out. It is OVER.
Now is not the time for revenge or bitterness but happiness that you can get on with your life. So do so.
Lets your lawyer and the legal system handle the rest, you got better things to do.
Because right now he is still very much in control of you. He jerked your chain and you are responding. Don't give him the satisfaction, call your lawyer on monday and see what the next step is and enjoy the weekend as an independent and free person.
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