A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently i contacted my ex boyfriend. I wanted answer to why he had hurt me in the past. We had a relationship that started off great and then suddnely one day he just turnd and was horrible to me, he left me at a party with loads of people i didn't know and a girl who thoroughly hated me. Luckily his best friend came and saved me, he got me a drink and i cried to him. My boyfriend hadn't even let me kiss him, hed pulled away and asked me not too and then gone and gotten himself so drunk hed passed out on the sofa. His best friend, who we'll call D comforted me and then kissed me. I realise that i was wrong not to push him away, i kissed him back and then pulled away. I asked him to take me home and he came with me in a taxi. Later when i next saw my boyfriend D and i both told him what had happened, he cried and shouted and then left the house (he shared a house with D) i went home and stayed away for about a week. When i went back D was there and he told me that my boyfriend had started seeing someone else, who happened to be the girl who hated me. I was so upset that i wanted revenge and i started seeing D i was a virgin still because we hadn't gotten round to having sex, we'd tried but i'd been too tight. i ended up having sex with D, to top it off when he was lay on me just after we'd finished my ex came walking in, he saw us and went off crying. He is four years older than me. I left D because i realsied it was a mistake. Later my ex broke up with his girl friend and told me he still loved me. I told him we couldnt be together, we'd hurt each other too much. I contacted him a few weeks ago to ask him why he acted like that and he got back to me and wants to meet up for a catch up, we were good friends before hand and he wants that back but my current boyf doesnt know anything about this and i dont know what to do, should i go and meet him or should i tell my boyf and get him to come with me, or what???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 June 2010):
 This doesnt make too much sense to be honest!
You say you want to find out why he hurt you in the past - yet you were the one that cheated on him with this best friend? Seems like you were the one that hurt him! All he did that was wrong was leave you at a party on your own by the sounds of things - I think what you did is a lot worse!
What is your real reason for contacting him? I dont buy any of this "why did you hurt me" nonsense as it sounds like you were in the wrong not him. Do you feel guilty for what you did? Is that why you are contacting him, to ease your conscious? And make him out to be the bad guy so you can feel better about yourself?
I think by the sounds of things this relationship was a total mess, too much has happened between you for you to ever be friends again so just leave it alone. Stop contacting him, dont meet up and move on. You have a new boyfriend - try focusing on him and enjoying your time together instead of thinking about the past.
Friendship with an ex only really works when you BOTH have stopped loving each other, when BOTH dont want to be together anymore, and when it ends on a mutual decision. This is NOT the case in your relationship - it sounds like your ex still loves you so he will always have alterior motives to being your friend, he will be trying to get your back.
So unless you want to end up hurting your new boyfriend too then I suggest you stop this now. Tell your ex you cannot meet up with him as you have a new boyfriend and you are very happy with him so you dont want to start a friendship with your ex as it is not appropriate. Wish him the best for the future and then tell him not to contact you anymore, friendship is not an option so you both need to move on. Then delete his number, facebook, email etc so you never feel tempted to get in touch again.
You really are better off out of each other's lives otherwise you are going to end up dragging innocent people like your boyfriend into this mess.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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