A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm nearly 40. My last serious relationship was 7 years ago. I was celibate for 5 of them. 2 years of celibacy was "self-imposed" because I felt that I needed to concentrate on myself. Those 2 years were great - I really widened my circle of friends and activities and now have a great social life.After 2 years break I felt myself ready to start dating again (and was also feeling a little sexually frustrated) but ever since then I have found it seemingly impossible to attract men.I had boyfriends before this time so I'm totally unsure as to where I am going wrong. If I look at myself on paper - I think I sound quite a catch! I'm attractive and have a very good figure. I have a sucessful career and my own house. I am not needy or clingy. I have no desire to marry, cohabit or have children (although I haven't totaly ruled them out. I'm very independent.I realise that I don't need a man in my life to be complete and most of the time I am very happy with my life but I do miss companionship and I REALLY miss sex. I feel disappointed that I seem to have spent my sexual peak years being celibate.Last year I remedied the sexual situation with online dating. I met a couple of very hot and horny men who were perfectly happy to service me but no-one that wanted anything more. (and I was not expecting it from an online cattle market!) It was a lot of fun however.Speed dating was also great fun (I highly recommend it) but each time came away without matches.I already have a fairly active social life and don't know if I have time to add in more activities solely for the purpose of meeting men.I do meet men through my friends and social activities but they all seem to have simply become my friends and nothing more. In fact in 6 instances, things seem to have been going very well - we've had a date, he's vistited my home, I've visited his..... and then he says "By the way... I really fancy soandso (names a mutual frind). Do you think she's interested in me?" or "Can you put in a good word? I then realise that I have absolutely no chance with him. 6 times and the man I have been interested gets together with a friend. (At least I can look at the bright side and think that 4 out of 6 are still together/married/engaged/having families and are very happy)I just don't understand what's wrong with me. I don't know where I'm going wrong or what I should be doing differently. I guess I'm just sounding off here and that the answer is that I've just been unfortunate. Most people will probably tell me - just wait and it'll happen but after 7 years of waiting with me getting older and older it seems increasingly unlikely. I guess I'd like opinions on1) Men - what do they really want? Am I wrong in believing that an independent woman is attractive? I'm beginning to think that guys only like "frail" girls that they can "look after." My experience is that, whatever age the man is, he will go for the younger model every time.2) Flirting is necessary to let a guy know that you have some interest in him. Keep it too subtle and he doesn't know you're interested. Overdo it and he think you're a slut. What's the happy medium?3) What sound the more sensible option? Keep trying and suffer the consequences of rejection over and over (and I know that someone not fancying me isn't the end of the world but it does hurt everytime) Or should I learn from my mistakes and simply avoid any kind of relationship again because it always ends up the same way.4) How can I deal with the sexual frustration that accompanies long term celibacy? (Aside from changing the batteries in the vibrator once a week.)
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celibate, flirt, horny, my ex, no desire, sexually frustrated, vibrator Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks people. I think I will stick to being single from now on though. The rollercoaster of emotions that I go through everytime is just too much to handle......
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): Hi, there. First of all i need to tell you that i really enjoyed reading your post. You express yourself very well.
The fact that is hard to get a man that is interested is not that you got older, you said it yourself, you're very attractive, is that you need now more since you got older.
you are not just just settling for anyone
Your independency could be a little issue. Men like to feel that they are admired, and that a woman actually needs a man. When you say you don't need a man to complete you it's not true. You do need a man to be touched and kissed, and have sex with. You re frustrated that you don't have a man in your life, we need eachother. Men also need companionship and to be touched and kissed.
When you're making impression that you don't need a man you sending mixed messages.
You message should change and become something like that-
I am independent woman, i can support myself financialy, but i want love in my life, i need someone to stay and be around all the time, i can give a lot of love and i need someone who can do the same.I am open to new relationship and looking forward to it.
He will show up, I am sure.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 October 2009):
Hi there. Don't give up! That's the most important thing.
1). The right guy will like you EXACTLY as you are. Some do like to feel like knights, others like an independent woman who is in control of her own life.
2). A happy meduim is askimg about himself, talking to him, appearing interested (nod your head, smile etc). Flutter those eye lashes and such. And don't forget to give him glances from the corner of your eye and laugh at his jokes.
3). I know it hurts. We've all been hurt, a lot more times than we've been made happy. But it's always better when we're happy. Face the hurt, and you'll find the guy you want.
4). Don't just have sex with men. Stick with the vibrator. If you hae sex with men just for sex, you're going to feel worse. Better to do it with the right guy.
Don't give up. It takes time to find the right guy. Don't think you're too old, you're not. Be yourself, take your time and find the right guy :) Lots of luck.
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